Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Average them Up

(Roswell Version)

1) Maximum Minimum, Until It Happens/You Let It Happen: The sort of clever wispyness that reminds me of a time before my balls dropped, but after my innocence was lost (early April). 6.

2) ButterFat 100, Elegant Nuisance: Throttles my mathematic ability like no other screwed and chopped mix DVD this fiscal quarter. 8.

3) Tishara Quailfeather, As I Became We: Whilst I rocked in my back porch's swing and savored a slightly too tart raspberry scone, I realized that choices made decades ago had in fact made me the person I truly would have murdered then. 2.

4) DotCom.com, Turndown Service: Reminiscent of Gang of Four, Stooges, and probably Stewart & Winfield. 9.

5) Screaming at the Mirror, Only the Proletariat Floss's: Disagree with Cross here. This in no way matches the genius of pre-"FartFlap" Guarrez. 1.

6) University of Blunts, Dirty Dirty Dirty Dirty Dirty Dirty: The smooth, mellifluous tones of every haunting clown nightmare mixed with the faintest tint of an Eastern European's lambgrisle mustache odors. Beyond brilliance. 8.

7) Wittgenstein's Mistress, Gift Code: GET ON THE BED BITCH, NOW! 10.

8) Pillow Logics, Treason to Live: Meh. 2.

9) ThunderPussy, When the Wild Birds Sing: Where Jim Croce listed things you don't do, as in spitting in the wind and pulling the mask off the old Lone Ranger, this track sublimely encourages you to do those same things. In its melody and shit. 7.

10) The Original Apple Dumpling Gang, Thar She Blows: Cross was half right about this. Of course it is derivative of their earlier AIDS milk, but who else can draw AIDS milk from that same AIDS infested cow in such a brutal, punishing, cruel to the animal way. Maybe Linkin Park, but they aren't hot as balls Finnish 19 year old blondes. 12.

Hat tip to Amandagon.