Monday, May 02, 2005

Back on the map

Too many thoughts in my head over the last few days...

1. Saw a few commercials for the Super Nanny Season Finale. Can a show like that have a finale? Will there be a cliffhanger? Super Nanny is Pregnant... and which screaming 3 year old is the father???

2. Runaway Bride: Finally my gender wins one. Every time there's a moronic story in the national news, the first instinct for every news whore from wigged skeleton Judy Woodruff to flesh colored Whatizit Nancy Grace is to presume the dude killed her. A few more years of that and the next generation of men might not know the FACT that all women are freaking insane. Finally, we have a piece of empirical evidence to hold over their heads FOREVER!!!

3. Is it just me or is there not as much interesting shit to write about?

4. I'll handle Gammons later in the week when I can stomach his bullshit.

5. Is American Idol the barometer of taste in America? I think not. I think American Idol is an excellent gauge of what America liked five years ago. Based on last season's victory by ashamed single mother Fantasia Barrino, it could be surmised that America loved Macy Gray in 1999. The year before, based on Grimace lookalike Ruben Studdard and Semigay Southerner Clay Aiken, we can tell that Michael Olowokandi and Peyton Manning would be the top draft picks. From the first season, when semihot and tanky in a good way too Kelly Clarkson was victorious, we can tell that the big thing in '97 was Kate Winslet's curves in Titanic. And I've beaten the metaphor to death. Anyway, based on this theory, the year 2000 was huge for cocaine, in that Bo Bice and Paula Abdul are representing it hardcore. Let me make a few things clear for the legal department: I have no knowledge that Paula is doing coke. For all I know it may be a number of other illegal drugs. All I know is that if she isn't on something hard, she's got bigger issues.

6. The Lady has demanded that all readers know that we're getting married in less than three months. So all you broads who want to get your hands on me, go take a cold shower. Sluts.

7. This has turned out to be a pretty misogynistic post. Let the record show that I hate men too.