Sunday, November 12, 2006

General Football Thoughts

Pounding on the Plains. Where the fuck did that come from? Hell yeah, Dawgs! I'm so excited that I won't even ask where that kind of effort was the rest of the season, particularly from the DL. Battle may get all the headlines, but he needs to thank the big'uns in the trenches. Gant and Johnson had Cox so rattled that he thought it would be a good idea to swing at them after the whistle. Yeah, something good will come from fighting a 270-pounder they call "Big Bully." Did the D watch the Rutgers game and decide that it would be a cold winter if they didn't start chopping some wood of their own? Which brings me to...

What if: Scarlet Fever Edition. Since my full handle is "The New Jersey General," I don't feel too bad about jumping on the bandwagon of the state university of my birthplace. Schiano is a total badass, and his warrior wood-choppers really deserve a shot at the Crystal Pigskin. The computers agree, ranking them #2, AHEAD of the bespooged Buckeyes. The concrete sneakers of the Harris Poll on one foot and and Coaches' on the other are dragging the Scarlet Knights down to #6 in this week's BCS rankings, but it's not a too far-fetched scenario that would send the boys from Piscataway to the second game in Glendale in January. Here's how it would work:

1. Obviously they need to take care of their own business, which is no small task, with three conference games left, including the 'Neers lying in wait for the unofficial Big East Championship game on December 2 (the 3-way tie breaker is BCS rank, so if WVU beats RU, they'd likely get the rings).

2. A recently irrelevant Cal scrounges up enough dignity to catch the Trojans napping/looking ahead to ND.

3. USC, scrounging their own dignity after the Cal loss, exposes the Irish, who have grown soft in the FUDA from dining on late-season cupcakes.

4. The Razorbacks expose the Gators in the SEC Championship. Fucking lucky lizards block TWO Cock kicks to win by one?!? Arkansas will eat them alive.

I'm no Brad Edwards, but I think that puts the Scarlet Knights in the big one. Of course there are a few other factors that would affect Rutgers' chances. For example, if step 4 above happens, Arkansas might jump ahead of Rutgers in the BCS. That won't be a concern if LSU beats the Hogs on 11/24 when they're looking ahead/hungover after wrapping up the SEC West against MSU on 11/18. Another concern would be the UM-OSU loser staying ahead of Rutgers in the BCS. That would be the evil stepsister squeezing her fatass foot in there, shattering the glass slipper before Cinderella had a chance to try it on. If you honestly want to see a rematch, here's a crowbar to help get your head out of your own ass.

Keep on choppin', Knights!