Because I need more recurring features...

This week's most-cringeworthy Peter King statement...

Miss Congeniality:

"I think too many teams are underrating Troy Smith, and he will make them pay."

He will make them pay... with unnecessary sacks and deflected passes off the clavicles of linemen.

Runner-Up:

"IPod download of the week: Annie Lennox is underrated. Great voice. Just put two of her albums on the 'Pod."

I dare you all to get the image of Peter King belting out "No More I Love Yous" in the shower out of your head. You're welcome.

And your winner!!!!:

I need someone to tell me why a great actress like Hilary Swank makes a Texas Chainsaw Massacre-like movie like The Reaping. Why lower yourself, Hilary?

I mean, totally! I thought she got that out of her system with The Next Karate Kid, The Core and Freedom Writers. Who would've expected this kind of shit from the star of the single greatest bit of entertainment in history, the sorority-hazing-murder-Mark Paul Gosselaar-TV Movie, Dying to Belong? Really, why lower yourself? Just keep doing the same redneck-girl-with-a-dick bit that makes people wet themselves with glee and we'll all be happy.

I totally need a triple skim latte to wash down that column.