1. 28 Weeks Later. Lively, but doesn't come close to the greatness of its predecessor. Big problem with the way Carlyle's character didn't exhibit the typical zombie mindlessness. While watching it, I enjoyed the ride (you can't beat a handheld camera and running from zombies), but it didn't stick in my head very long, and the more I think about it the more I'd rather just watch the original again. You're Fired.
2. X-Men: The Last Stand. Did this look better on the big screen? A big-budget action movie without many scenes that inspire awe. Seemed more like a Daredevil or an Elektra than a summer franchise movie. The second one was a classic compared to this Ratnerfied mess. You're Fired.
3. Death Proof. There were a host of issues I had with this, and I get that most of the problems are probably homages. I thought the movie was either about 45 minutes too long, or should've had 2 more chase/crash scenes. The lapdance scene was useless. The one thing that bothered me the most about this movie: how much so many of the actors struggled with the Tarantino dialogue. So unnatural - several scenes had a real Dawson's Creek-nobody-actually-talks-this-way feel to them. In fact, the most natural and I'd say the best actor of them all in this movie was Zoe Bell - and she's a stuntwoman. She ran circles around the others in her scenes. I usually like Tarantino's films, but this one didn't do it for me. You're Fired.
4. Transformers. So what happened to the plotline with the soldiers and the hackers after about 75 minutes? Did the film just ignore them or did I fall asleep for a minute and it was all resolved. I'm confused. Wait. Why am I concerned about plot? It's gigantic robots punching each other. And when it came to that, it seemed to me that the CGI was really realistic and nice looking. I also sensed that they were holding back a little though. Like they knew it'd be a hit and they wanted to save something for sequels. I expect robots punching each other atop numerous world monuments. You're Fired.
5. Spider-Man 3. This trilogy is like a rock band who found success by singing songs about their blue collar roots, then once they made it big, could only write new songs about how much it sucks to be famous and rich. While the first two were never a garage band, they did have a completely different sensibility from this one. Too long by a half hour or more. Not memorable like the first two. And this one relied so much on deus ex machina, or people just in the exact spot needed for plot reasons, but for no real reason at all. A frustrating third part. You're Fired.
6. Goal! - The Dream Begins. What I liked about this was that it was clearly made for an international audience - which meant that it didn't insult people who knew anything about soccer, like 90% of the movies made about soccer. It was well-made, not horrendously acted and actually depicted the lives of professional athletes somewhat realistically. If you don't enjoy Oasis or you are annoyed easily by montages, you probably won't like this. But do, so I sort of liked it. Steak Knives.
7. Ocean's Thirteen. So it's not as good as the first, but more like the first than the second. It's tricky and fun, though riddled with inside jokes. Words I never thought I'd write: Pacino should've hammed it up more. They should've used Cassel more too. So it's flawed, but still an enjoyable way to spend 2 hours. I'll watch it again. Steak Knives.
8. 1408. What is it about Stephen King adaptations lately that has allowed the male leads to have so much fun playing their parts? Like Johnny Depp in the underrated Secret Window, Cusack is pretty great in this. It's kind of spooky, but the payoff isn't as great as I was hoping. Dull Steak Knives.
9. We Are Marshall. They could've cut 5 montages set to early 70s music and there still would've been about 8 left. Great story, but the movie was annoying despite it. McConaughey did a pretty good job, really - not too bombastic, kind of silly. Matthew Fox does his tortured soul bit. It's also nice to see a few people I know personally on the big screen. But the direction, man... it's weak. You're Fired.
10. Live Free or Die Hard. So it was way more ridiculous than the other Die Hard movies, but I still liked it better than most of the summer blockbusters I've seen recently. Justin Long was stunningly not annoying as hell. Here's the problem: I had fun watching it, but it's significantly less memorable than any of the other Die Hard movies. Unfortunately, that means this is a You're Fired.
11. Sicko. I could write a lot about this, but I'll just leave it to this: people need to watch this and ask themselves, "what kind of country do we want to live in?". Moore's most significant film. Goddamnit. Cadillac.
20. Veronica Mars - Third Season. From reading other views on this, I would've thought this would've been the worst of the three seasons. But, while there wasn't a moment in the third that compared favorably to the first season, the third season was much better (tighter, more fun) than the second. It's a shame that the network didn't give them a full 22 episodes. 100 more minutes would've been nice - especially since the finale was rushed but fantastic. This is the kind of TV show more should aspire to be.