Sunday, March 06, 2005

Droopy Dog Watch 4

I missed an article of his mid-week on the Nationals. Fluff piece, with only a few quibbles: "If the pitching holds up, the Nats will be right in the fight for the NL East level right behind the Marlins and Braves." Uhh. No. At best, they are a mediocre starting pitching staff. Their bullpen is probably the worst in the NL. Gammons goes too far in puffing up Bowden. I guess it's unnecessary to disclose that they worked together at ESPN (I have such great ethics).

On to his next article. Cardinals are good. That's not an outrageous statement. He does make a few pronouncements from his citadel on Beacon Hill, as he's accustomed to. Let's keep them here for posterity:

1) Renteria was arguably the NL's best SS. Dude, Nomar was in the NL last year. Here comes a lover's spat. (I believe Renteria was one of the better shortstops too)

2) Matheny is a master of pitchers and such a great teammate. And the card attached would say, "Thank you for being a friend".

3) Pujols, Rolen and Renteria are "character stars". What does that even mean? Integrity Above Replacement Player rating is through the roof.

4) Mulder has the "heart of Jack Morris". If only he had the "duster of Jack Morris" or maybe the "messed up skin of Jack Morris", then I'd be impressed.

5) Alan Trammell should've won the MVP in '87. Here's a list of the candidates that year. It was a pretty good year for individual performances. Wade Boggs had a Bonds-like OBP. Molitor was amazing too. Bell might've been the benefit of voters who sent in their choice before the last week of the season. Gammons might be right about Trammell, but there are definitely arguments for other players too.

These aren't official Godlike pronouncements, but they deserve comment:

1) Please, no more wrenched heart descriptions of Boston's win last year. We're all sick of it.

2) Paul LoDuca thinks Alex Cora is smart and Gammons thinks everyone should know about it. Good thing too. I've been wanting to challenge Alex Cora to a Trivial Pursuit Battle Royale for years. Now I know I'll have to bring my A game.

3) Greg Maddux (who is probably my favorite all time player) gets the obituary treatment from his teammates and Gammons (his "legacy"?) Dude won 16 games last year (and 2003 and 2002). He ain't dead yet.

4) Jim Leyland compares Jack Wilson to Jetahhhhh, and Gammons thinks it's "fun". You 'member that time, when Jack Wilson was like, playing good defense and stuff and Derek Jeter does that too. That was awesome.

5) The bit about John Patterson and how well the ball is coming out of his hand is straight cut and paste from last week's article. I hope they don't pay by the word.

6) Will Carroll gets his back scratched. Will Gammons out all of his sources by the end of the season?

Not much about the Braves (again). Schuerholz is too tight-lipped. And for that we don't get any "Chipper Jones has the profundity of an ocean and the johnson of a baby's arm" comments from Gammons. Advantage readers.