Psychoanalysis

I get this feeling that Bill Simmons and the intern have a relationship akin to an abusive father-weakling son. Because I see no other reason for Simmons' hatin' on the ATL.

Check this:

Conversely, we think that these three teams could end up being worse than we thought ...

...

3. Atlanta To recap: They're playing a revenge game at home, on a Monday night, no less ... there's a pregame fight that results in the other team's only run-stopping linebacker's getting thrown out ... the best player on the other team (McNabb) gets walloped on the first series, leading to a D-plus performance (as it turns out, he was injured seriously enough that he's questionable for Week 2) ... the opposing kicker missed two sub 50-yard field goals ... Vick connected on a touchdown bomb and evaded trouble about 10-12 other times (amazing game from him) ... T.O. looked like he was only intermittently interested in the proceedings ... and the crowd was so loud down the stretch that McNabb couldn't even call audibles. And yet, with all of that going for them, here was the final score: 14-10.
(Translation: I wasn't impressed.)

So if I read this correctly, Simmons is listing the reasons why Atlanta should've blown out Philly last week. Fired up team and stadium, defense that causes injuries, TO issues, etc. Then he says that because they didn't blow out Philly, Atlanta isn't any good.

Ahem.

YOU PICKED AGAINST THEM LAST WEEK.

Most of the reasons you list above you knew before hand, and you still picked against them! If you picked against a team, despite all sorts of reasons to bet on them, and then they win outright, how can you say you weren't impressed? I guess he could've written this:

Even though I was dead wrong about the Falcons last week, I still don't think they're all that good. Trotter's ejection really hurt the Eagles. [omit everything else]

But then he wouldn't look like a knowitall, which is really all this column is good for. I remember last year, when his picks were shit, but he kept saying how he was making tons of money because he was only betting on winning teams and parlaying the right mix. Whatever, dude. If your picks suck, your picks suck.

These pick columns are too smarmy, not funny enough.