Thursday, December 22, 2005

Don't tell! I'm O'Reilly's Secret Portly, Crimson-Clad, Late-December Non-Sectarian Gift-Leaver.

C'mon, Bill. Chill. There's no war on Christmas. This is America. The Melting Pot of the World. Ours is a foundation built on inclusion. We don't leave anyone out. The reason stores and town displays use the phrase "Happy Holidays" isn't anti-Christian, but rather that other truly American concept: laziness. Nobody wants to take the time to put together a greeting that includes everyone. As Stiffler would say, that sounds like a lot of work.

Instead of your defense against the non-existent War on Christmas, I propose you join my War on Laziness. I'm firing the first salvos with the list below in an effort to include all faiths, cultures and other celebrants during this special time of year. Please add anyone I missed in the comments.

Here's wishing you all a...

...Merry Christmas!

...Happy Hanukkah!

...Crunk Kwanzaa!

...Luminous Diwali!

...Lifeless Winter Solstice!

...Hungry Ramadan!

...Enlightening Bodhi Day!

...¡Prospero Año y Felicidad!


...Tip-Top Tet!

...Miraculous Festivus!