Monday, January 23, 2006

Because I can only dream of attaining the EDSBS heights

So Fred Rouse and Cornelius Lewis were kicked off the FSU team last weekend, and the only reason the program is giving is the amorphous "conduct detrimental to the team". Look, Rouse was one of the most highly recruited players in the country a year ago. Lewis started several games this year. We all know that Saint Bobby doesn't kick off a kid from the team for just a couple of possible felonies (ahh screw it, here's the full list). It takes real effort to get this kind of treatment.

So I pose a question... What was it that caused this sort of punishment? And no, I'm not looking for an actual "dude, I know a guy who knows a guy who is really connected to the program through Warchant and he totally said it was grades..." kind of answer. No.

Here are my guesses:

Shooting a woman and her two sons in the head and burning their bodies in a car.
Cocaine trafficking, conspiracy, RICO, leading the North Valley Cartel.
Burning, beating, torturing 4 year old son; human trafficking.
Robbing a security company, injecting guards with "unknown substance" to incapacitate them.
Exploitation of children; lewd acts upon a child. (Nah... that'd be Virginia Tech)
Beating a police chief in the head with a blunt object and then murdering him.
Drug trafficking, murdering a fellow inmate, escaping from Folsom State Prison.

(Glen Godwin: looks less like Fred Rouse; more like Chris Rix in 20 years)

Killing wife and children; blowing up his house.
18 counts of murder, RICO, narcotics trafficking, extortion, running Boston's rackets.
Blowing up the US Embassies in Nairobi and Dar es Sallam; a few other things too.

And how about these options:

Crimes committed under the cover of religion or equally noble motives.
100 cigarette burns on a 16-year-old daughter of carnies, stoning to death, burning into the skin the words "I'M A PROSTITUTE AND PROUD OF IT". (I have to think this would be bad enough for Bobby to drop the hammer)
Hijacking a plane, extortion, robbery of 21 pounds of $20 bills.

(D. B. Cooper: Tremendous leaper; key on fade patterns, known to disappear in coverage; 'Noles penciling him in at flanker)

Asstons of cyanide in the nation's supply of Extra Strength Tylenol.
Murder of seven johns. (Hey, it was in Florida)
Kidnapping child of world famous anti-semite aviator.
Robbery of $50 Million in Northern Ireland Bank notes.
Lewd behavior in Tampa nightclub, inciting a riot.
Genocide of 1.5 million Armenians.
Causing hundreds of millions of ears to bleed.
Crimes against fashion, child abuse (by means of bringing the child into the world).

And that's about enough conflating flippancy with actual horrible things for one day.

But the point remains, what did Rouse and Lewis do to deserve this?