Thursday, April 14, 2005

Droopy Dog Has Awesome Ethics

Gammons has an article that I had planned to pull an old No. 6 on last night. But today, having seen his apology and correction, I just can't bring myself to do it. He seems so genuine and he really did the right thing. Wait. I don't give a shit about whether he cites his sources or not. He has a hundred sources in every column and he's usually pretty transparent on who's feeding the stories to him (see below). And I thought it was a gay ass anecdote anyway (although I love the line in the now-removed sidebar about how Milton Bradley thought CC Sabathia calling him out was "real").

He also overdoes the apology (which makes him a total pu-huh-huh-husss), but I guess that was the only way to do it in the post-Albom era (whose "apology" made him look like a egocentric dick).

So I must proceed with what I was born to do...

First: Semi-Blow job (probably worse than none at all) for Paul DePodesta. First he writes, "Then there are the Dodgers, who in many corners were dismissed as the trash-barrel residue of a statistical general manager who dehumanized players and sent the character people like Paul Lo Duca and Alex Cora out to pasture, replacing them with numbers." First off, when someone says in many corners, I have to assume he thinks it himself. An uncredited statement like that is just lazy. And a playoff team s trash-barrel residue. And saying a GM dehumanizes players is a careless use of the word. The holocaust was dehumanizing. Trading Juan Encarnacion, not so much. And I know these are just Peter's thought's because of the snuggling of Cora and LoDuca. Peter just can't embrace his inner statdork, especially when he loves using such emotional and loving words to describe his what's the word... moles? sources? babyfaces? Another problem with Peter in this column is that a good fluffer never finishes the job. He never walks away from LoDuca.

OK, one other example of shitty writing in the bulk of the article:

The Dodgers were hardly a dynasty when DePodesta took over [DePodesta says this himself earlier], and like most rebuilding jobs, there are going to be difficult and controversial choices. Lo Duca was one. Beltre was another. Cora. Green. People get hurt in the process [retch], and while this is a people game, what DePodesta is trying to do deserves to be judged by the team's performance, not what baseball folks and we in the media think will unfurl [so repeat the slurs against him for the first half of the column, but then repent, douche].

Next item... Red Sox young players RULE!!! Longtime readers of Pedro already know that. I do hope that the Yankees or some other team drive up the price of Olerud, just to make Petey sad.

And for the rest of the Red Sox news of the week:

What Dr. Charles Steinberg wrought Monday for the Red Sox ring ceremony was as close to perfection as anyone could imagine. Nice and all, but compare that to what Bill Simmons wrote about the ceremony in his Cowbell post on Wednesday. I didn't think any writer would have a bigger hardon for the Sox than Simmons, but somehow Gammons pulls it off. My guess: Steinberg is a high-you-jah source for Senor Transitions. But in some ways what Joe Torre, Derek Jeter and the Yankees did by standing on the steps of their dugout and applauding was perhaps the best thing about the day, a tribute to the Red Sox, their tradition and, most of all, their fans. Just when he overdoes it for the Sox, he overdoes it for the Yankees... If I were a Sox fan, I'd feel sick at this paragraph.

Few 32-year olds could better handle fame than Theo Epstein, who could be a rock star in his home town. But while Theo may love to play his guitar, his persona is closest to his twin brother Paul, a devoted social worker. Every penny that Epstein makes either speaking or doing a donut commercial with Johnny Damon goes to charity. And perhaps we've found another source? If some other GM starts feeding him info, will he petition the Vatican for beatification?

Why do I read this fawning shitstain? Oh yeah, because his sources are unparalleled.