Saturday, April 23, 2005

Hour 2 - Draft Diary

1:00: We start the second hour with more flirting by Suzy. Braylon seems genuinely happy to go to Cleveland. Mental Flag.

1:02: Romeo Crennel is living up to the standards set by NFL coaches before him. His mustache is spectacular. Even Fisheriffic.

1:05: The Longest Yard, which looks like shit, points out a fascinating phenomena. James Cromwell plays the warden. I'm wondering if there's a website or blog post about the worst movie made by each Oscar nominated actor. Off the top of my head, I see George of the Jungle 2 for Lowell Mather, The Burbs for Tom Hanks, She Devil for Meryl Streep... OK. Not really a fascinating phenomena. Just a lot of supposedly good actors have been in terrible movies. I hate when something seems interesting at first, and then it turns out not to be (like, er...)

1:09: Chicago: Cedric Benson. Ced's mom looks pretty happy. Ced looks absolutely miserable. He's completely breaking down. Much like his body will after the Bears hand him the ball 600 times next year. Now he's smiling. I think he's a pretty solid player.

1:12: Berman just jinxed the shit out of Benson:"All those carries, never been hurt!"

1:13: Ced just mentioned the "background stuff." I think that story about him threatening some dude who he thought stole his plasma TV was pretty hilarious. Suzy just asked Ced "Who is the real you?" Ced: "I don't even know." He seems pretty pissed at the draft process. I kind of like that. Meatmarkets can't be fun.

1:16: Berman on Rodgers again: "He didn't get worse this week." Is Rodgers represented by Boomer's brother? I'm smelling a Jameer Nelson scenario.

1:22: Hilarious shot of Cadillac's house in Gadsden. Looks like the Bucs are going to take him. He's on the phone and nine million people have filled the shot celebrating. For a second it looked like a Lil' Wayne video was about to break out in his living room. Yep, the Bucs take him. Good pick, but durability is a question to me.

1:26: Berman now suggests the Titans should take Rodgers. Weird fluffing going on. I don't get it. Everybody knew Rodgers would slip, including Rodgers (which is why he was pushing for the #1 spot everywhere.

1:28: The ESPN promos for the NBA playoffs suck. Last year the "Let's Get it Started" promos were actually good (not "The WNB-Ays" good, but still eyecatching). "DUT DUT DUT DUH DUH DUH DUT DUT DUT DUH DUH" Annoying.

1:31: Suzy asks the question on everyone's mind: "Since you're not in NY, Cadillac, how many hats did you have?"

1:32: Gruden says it was love at first sight with Caddy. Suzy's questions seem more appropriate for a Barbara Walters special. I think Chucky's wearing a hemp necklace. He looks like he's on his way to a Dead show.

1:36: Titans: Pac Man Jones. Actually, it looks like they selected Lil' Jon. HUHWHATTT??????? We might be about to see a run on DBs. I like Rolle a little better than Pac Man.

1:38: Torry Holt on Pac Man: "I like that he's small" No shit...

1:40: I hate when I open a Coors Light and my whole house freezes. My dog's tongue gets stuck to his balls. OK, I don't have a dog. But the image...

1:43: Gus Frerotte is listed as a "Key Departure" for the Vikings. Everything starts at the placeholder position.

1:45: Kiper calls Mike Williams a no-brainer here. I really hope the Vikings go defense, so Kiper drops his O-Ring and gets into a shouting match with Ultimate Meathead Mike Tice.

1:46: Merrill Hoge dresses as bad as anyone on television not named Deion.

1:48: Vikings: Troy Williamson. First wrench. He's pretty good, but I like Mike Williams better. Of course they show that lucky ass long TD against the Dawgs. He's not as tall as I thought. The losers at the Vikings party didn't look happy. One guy in full costume looked like he was about to drive Thor's Hammer into his own forehead.

1:54: Boomer says Arizona might pick Rodgers. I'm pulling for the soul patch to become a Van Dyke before he gets picked.

1:57: Mike Tice is on now. Shouldn't the Vikings' coach have to grow a stache at least as long as the Vikings' mascot?

1:58: Cardinals: Antrell Rolle. Great pick. I see him in a Pro Bowl soon.

That's the second hour. Not quite as boring as the first, but they could speed it up a little.