Saturday, April 23, 2005

Hour 3 - Draft Diary

2:02: Holt on Rolle: "This guy's a football player. The Cardinals got themselves a football player."

2:05: They go back to the "roundtable", which is really just a one-on-one interview. Again, they don't really talk about what's happened so far in the draft. Kremer doesn't ask about Rodgers. No, wait, Jansen starts talking about how Williams is the best guy on the board. Maybe it is live. If so, Kremer doesn't seem to be well-prepared.

2:08: Wait, maybe I'm right after all. Kremer just said Rolle was still on the board too. Now she corrects herself.

2:10: Antrel Rolle's mom is more of a draft nerd than Mel Kiper. Is that a Dozen?

2:12: Redskins take Carlos Rodgers. That bell is really annoying. I guess a good pick since Smoot left. More highlights with the Dawgs.

2:13: Holt: No such thing as a "Shut-down corner" anymore.

2:14: Now Mort gets in on the Please Pick Rodgers action.

2:18: Detroit picks fast: Mike Williams. Wow. Roy, Mike and Charles. If Joey Harrington doesn't turn the corner, he'll be burned at the stake.

2:21: Boomer on Jeff Garcia: "He's won at every level". Kind of like that old Shaq line "except college and pro..."

2:22: Joe Gibbs is boring. I haven't seen Parcells in a tie in years. Weird.

2:28: Cowboys: Demarcus Ware. Getting bored. His highlight package is pretty good. Whatever.

2:30: Mort: "[Lawrence Taylor] was Parcells' best player on those Giants teams." Acute insight. Boomer brings up Rodgers again.

2:32: Montage of Eli madness last year. I stand by my earlier stance that the Mannings come off as hard core douches to me. Especially that dodgy response to Suzy's "Why don't you want to play in San Diego?"

2:36: Now Suzy is pushing Rodgers, who doesn't seem to affected. More Barbara Walters questions. They should use one of those foggy lenses when Suzy's doing an interview.

2:38: Who are all those little kids behind Mike Williams? Is he watching from Neverland Ranch or something?

2:39: Hoge has been trashing Mike Williams all week, and now he's saying that he'll be great because of the situation in Detroit. I wish I could indignantly act like I was right all the time...

2:41: Boomer just called the Chargers' baby blues "the greatest uniforms in the history of football."

2:42: Chargers: Shawne Merriman. I've stopped caring about the actual players.

2:44: Boomer's been going on and on about how well his cab driver could predict the draft. Doesn't that sort of discredit the weight we should give Kiper, Mortensen, etc? If some Pakistani dude with bedsores on his ass knows this shit, why does Kiper matter?

2:48: Boomer cuts to commercial, but works in a heartstrings tug with Rodgers first. I'm really hoping Jason Campbell gets drafted first just to see how schmaltzy ESPN can get. They might even reanimate Roy Firestone to try to make Rodgers cry if he slips to round 2.

2:51: Saints trade up. This is SOOOO exciting! They pick Jamaal Brown. The bitterness at this exercise is starting to seep in. Can't some coach get into a shouting match with Kiper, or maybe Jaws try to unbutton Merrill's suit jacket and lose his hand? I don't know if I'll be able to go another hour without hitting the pipe.

2:57: Nice tribute to Sam Mills. Kind of surprised there wasn't any mention of Pat Tillman when the Cardinals picked.

2:59: 30 seconds of actual coverage over the last 8 minutes. 7 and a half minutes of commercials, none of which even merit a snarky comment. Lameness.

Back in an hour.