Tuesday, May 31, 2005

A Modest Proposal

I've been working on this theory for a while. Last weekend's crane fiasco reminded me to write about it.

I live in Georgia. I love this state, and I hate what it sometimes is. The problem is that because we have a large city with one of the world's largest media centers in it, we get a lot of attention, even though we still have remnants (red-nants) of the past. Idiots and lunatics in Mississippi and South Carolina don't always get the attention Georgia's get.

So here's the proposal: Banishment. That's right. It's time to bring back the time tested practice of forcing idiots to leave. Embarass the state? The good people don't want you around. Want to flaunt your ridiculous lunacies, fine, just take it somewhere else. I'm talking a state law that says if you make a fool of this state in any way, you've got to go. If you make the local news in Peoria in the "And finally tonight..." segment, Alabama's due west. State law. Banishment would be decided by the Governor and the General Assembly, delegated to the AG if the General Assembly isn't in session. If it's unconstitutional, amend the damn thing. I promise you that the banishment law would pass with flying colors. All the pro's would have to do is show the people who it would apply to:

Bobby and Whitney
Runaway Bride and Whipped/Limp
Worst Crematorium Owner Ever
Courthouse shooter
Idiot on a crane
Idiot copying idiot on a crane
Morons who see the devil in movie tickets
Morons who fight at viewing of the Passion of the Christ
Anyone dumb enough to sleep with Dennis Rodman
Ron Mexico (but not Mike Vick, obvs)

If they committed a crime, just send them to jail in another state. For a guy like Brian Nichols, send him to Texas. They love executing people there. If they haven't committed a crime, or maybe just infected some cleatchasers, send them across the border. This isn't a preventative measure, sure. But it is a way to rectify the situation. We need to thin the herd. Separate the wheat from the chaff.

After a few months banishings, we'll be way behind North Carolina (and here and here) in embarassments. That's right Carolina, WHAT?

Feel free to post your own banishment suggestions in comments.