Monday, November 07, 2005

Always the East Coast, Always the Asshole

New title because of my Archers post above...

Original Title: The vastness of your idiocy is impressive

From Monday Morning Schmaltzfest by Peter King (aka Venti McStarfucker):

I think the one thing you can't understand unless you live somewhere on the Eastern Seaboard between Washington and Boston -- or unless you once lived there -- is the intensity of a big sports event. One of the reasons players love playing here, and one of the reasons guys like Joe Gibbs get drawn back into the game magnetically, is because the games are so electric and they feel so important. I felt it Sunday night at Eagles-Redskins and I'll feel it in front of the TV tonight for Pats-Colts. So much fun. Such a gas.

Yes, indeed. you just can't get intensity at the following events:

Cowboys-Redskins in Dallas
Ohio State-Michigan
USC-Notre Dame
Florida State-Miami
Miami-Virginia Tech
Duke-UNC (basketball)
Kentucky-anyone, really... Indiana, Louisville, etc.(Basketball)
Lind Washington Combine Demolition Derby (sound)
The Masters
The Kentucky Derby
The Daytona 500
The Indianapolis 500
Every Championship Boxing Match in Vegas
Every Olympic Games
The Ironman Triathlon
Man U-Chelsea-Arsenal
France-Germany and 1000 other possible World Cup matchups
Le Tour de France

Any LSU night football game
Any Texas A&M game
All home West Virginia football games.
Clemson-South Carolina
Kansas home basketball games
Any game at Lambeau Field
Vikings-Packers at the Metrodome
Frozen Four Hockey in Minnesota
Texas High School football
The Calgary Stampede

Yes, those things just can't compare to a regular season matchup between two teams which would not be in the playoffs if the season ended today. Those dumb hicks in flyover country just don't know REAL sporting events.


Also, I watch House, and I have no idea who he's talking about with the "Nurse Whatshername" thing. There isn't a nurse with a speaking part. I guess he might be talking about Doctor Cameron (who looked better last year without the sprayon tan), but then the fact that she's "too perfect" has been a main plot issue for, oh, the last 15 episodes. The fact she's too perfect is the whole point! She's a pure foil to House's misanthrope. Really, I have no idea why I read him.

Another UPDATE:

Saw this this morning, and probably wouldn't have posted had I seen it... Braves and Birds is also on the case, with pictures. And I cannot believe I didn't include Barca-Real.

Feel free to offer your own non-Eastern-Seabord events which are just not intense. I'm talking about events where the attendees (if there really are any) would feel just as at home at a backyard tea party for your 3 year old niece. You know, events where you can just walk up to the gate and get a ticket, like Nebraska Football.