Sunday, February 26, 2006

Meme time!

I've never started one of these, but I have a feeling that it might generate some discussion. Since I've always been all about accentuating the positive in life, I thought my try would be all about purging the wrongs inflicted upon my conscience. Feel the love!

Please answer the following questions:

1) What is the worst DVD/video you own? Everyone has one. On the stack of videos there's always one that you got because it was on sale and you planned on renting it anyway, or you got it as a gift, or something. And there it sits. Staring back at you. When friends or acquaintances come over and naturally see what movies you have, you consider it like a puss-filled cold sore, hoping others ignore it but admitting that it's too blatantly obvious, especially considering your own awesome awesome taste in movies. Spousally owned movies do not count (Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde would win in a landslide, but that was the Lady's before marriage and remains hers alone now).

My answer: Panic Room. Pretentious, poorly acted, not really suspenseful, uninteresting characters. Luckily it isn't in a typical DVD case. It's slender and black and blends into the rest of the movies.

2) What is the worst concert you've ever seen in person? This is a more open-ended question. It can be a terrible artist that you ended up seeing for some reason (work, a friend had free tickets, you were assigned to write a review). It can be a favorite (or would-be favorite if not for this show) artist who just sucked the o-ring out of an ass on that particular night. Have at it.

My answer: I tried to figure out which one was worse, but all attempts have failed, so I have a tie. Both were the summer of 2001. Both were at Chastain Park in Atlanta. Both were work-related functions. First, The Neville Brothers live. Every Aaron Neville joke is true. And they didn't even sing "Everybody Plays the Fool". The lowlight/ironic highlight was Aaron Neville singing both his own and the Linda Ronstadt parts of "I Don't Know Much". Gender bending, utterly confusing, eerily erotic. Second, "Island Jam" featuring Maxi Priest and the Baha Men. Yes. I've seen the Baha Men in concert. While Maxi Priest was actually pretty good (and I was feeling his 20 minute version of "I just wanna get close to you" and his flowing Polyphonic Spree-like robe, I'll never get the Baha Men's performance out of my mind. Their show was an hour long and featured all of 4 songs. The fourth, and last was an epic 35 minute version of "Who Let the Dogs Out", during which I went for more drinks twice... and it was still going on. At one point they actually used these words: "And now just the ladies... Who let the cats out? Meow, Meow, Meow-Meow-Meow!" I. Shit. You. Not.

3) What is the worst experience you've ever had at a restaurant? Another open-ended question. This can be poor service, poor food, whatever. It can be a robbery by a crackhead, foiled by quick-footed African janitors. It can be a drive through experience.

My answer: not exactly a restaurant, but they have restaurants there and I'm certain the kitchen's the same. I was at a wedding at the Gwinnett Marriott. Bit into a vegetarian spring roll, bit down on a 1/4" bolt. Chipped a tooth. Luckily, I had a dental school friend sitting at the same table. Of course, this engendered a discussion as to the relative merits of a tort claim against the hotel on the basis of the bolt (because I actually bit into it, I could have a claim, based on that Applebee's condom case). Anytime a wedding is interrupted by a first year law school exam fact pattern, things are bad.

4) What is the worst movie you've ever seen in the theatre? Self explanatory.

My answer: The General won't like it, because I think it was his 10th birthday party. But my choice is The 'burbs. Not funny enough, not scary. Just bad all around. I saw Leonard Part VI in the theatre and actually liked it compared to this.

5) What is the worst book you've actually finished? You can't say "I read a few pages and it sucked so bad I put it down..." You have to have finished the book. Fiction or non-fiction. No matter.

My answer: Many choices to have here. I thought about The DaVinci Code, or the more ludicrous Angels and Demons, but in the end I'll have to give weight to... er... weight. Executive Orders by Tom Clancy is 1000 pages of utter bullshit and to this day I cannot understand why I continued to read the whole thing. I should've known better on the dedication page how pedantic and drooling it would be.

6) Who is the worst looking or least appealing celebrity you would have intimate relations with "just to tell the story"? Assume marital or other obligations did not exist. Assume no consequences arise therefrom. Here's where we find out just how disgusting my readers are. The person must be a celebrity though - as in needs no introduction or explanation. The opposite gender is not required.

My answer: My mind keeps drifting to two people, forever connected, and would be an incredible story. Monica Lewinsky and Hillary Clinton.

OK. And now I pass this on to anyone on my blogroll who cares enough to answer this. And anyone without a blog, feel free to post responses in comments.