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Friday, October 06, 2006

Keen Insight

Bill Simmons, today, on Albert Haynesworth:

Did you ever think Leonard Little would have competition for his "most loathsome player in the league" title? Me neither.

Hmmm... What do the two have in common? I know it's something...

GO YOU SILVER BRITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, October 05, 2006

When Pop Culture Collides!

A couple of US Weekly type stories...

1. Dane Cook hosted SNL last weekend. I wouldn't call it the funniest thing I've ever seen, but it wasn't as bad as the sketches on Studio 60. The Poland Spring Water delivery guys skit made me laugh hard, even though I felt guilty doing it.

Anyway, I haven't decided whether I think Cook is funny or not. He surely has energy, which is a good thing, I think. But I wonder about the material.

Then, a few weeks ago I saw this post at Scamboogah!!!. Doesn't look good here.

Then I saw somewhere else (maybe Thighs Wide Shut) a link to this YouTube clip featuring an old State skit that is copied pretty much word for word on Dane Cook's last SNL visit.

[Aside: YOU CAN BUY EPISODES OF THE STATE ON iTunes NOW!!!!!]

What's the deal with this dude? I'd heard long ago that Robin Williams was the most notorious bit-thief in the comic business. With him heading off to rehab and getting old, is it time for the crown to pass to someone else?

2) Paris Hilton. Shit. What is it about this woman that makes people go batshit crazy?

Today I saw this story on CNN.com about how the Dancing With The Stars broad starts shit because her ex-husband banged Paris, and everyone ends up arrested.

But as childish and ridiculous that story is, this YouTube clip (via TVgasm, to the right) from the new reality show on Aaron and Nick Carter tops it. By miles. Some cussing, if you're at work. This is one of the funniest things I've seen featuring B-listers. Seriously, I can't imagine how crazy this girl makes people.

All useless info. All strangely interesting.

Why I Do The Gameday Recaps

While it probably seems so, this post is not a retort to Gerald's hilarious comment last night. I've been meaning to write this all season (and I thought I wrote one last year before doing the recaps, but I can't seem to find it).

The recaps serve a purpose to me, for some reason. I'll take it step by step.

College football is a sport that is too spread out and broad for most fans to have more than a passing knowledge of a few regional teams. A filter is needed to gain an understanding of the national shape of the game. Then, since the way college football decides its champion is through a popularity contest among human beings, the human beings that decide the champion also need a filter to understand the shape of the game nationally. For better or worse, Gameday has served as that filter.

No other college football show attempts to cover the game nationally and broadly (even if the focus on Gameday is in practice much more narrow). No other preview show gets the ratings Gameday gets.

As for the influence of Gameday, I'll be the first to say that it isn't the sole decider of what teams are good. Naturally, the teams have the first say in the matter - on the field. But when there are multiple unbeaten teams, or a host of one-loss teams, the polls are the largest factor in deciding who plays for the national title. Polls are voted on by humans, with biases and limitations on their ability to know everything about the game. Humans watch Gameday. It might not be the biggest influence on pollsters, but it's natural and obvious that the manner of coverage of teams on Gameday has some influence.

This year, with the fact that Gameday has decided to focus on ABC/ESPN games - admitted by Chris Fowler, I think there's even more of a reason to watch how things are covered.

Let me be clear about a few things: I like the show. I wouldn't spend several hours a week watching and recapping the show if I didn't like it. But I also think it's flawed, and it was better a long time ago. It seems to me like the show is sort of on autopilot. Too much is planned out far in advance - and too many segments seem shoehorned, such as the typical soft focus human interest stories. Seemed like a while ago the show was more about getting information out there - 11th hour suspensions and injuries, more games covered. Only two years ago, each major conference had a segment on the show, with every game getting a minute or two. There was a reason to tune in, even if your team didn't have a compelling matchup that day.

See, I want the show to be better. I want it to focus more on information that the viewers can use. I'd like them to cover more teams, more conferences. And I'd like less filler. And I'd like the experts to do their homework more and shoot from the hip less - if I can fact check them, without google, well, that's something they should cut down on. I don't play favorites on the show. I think Corso can be smart some days, a total imbecile others. Herbstreit is frequently a dick, but he also seems to be the best-prepared often. All of the castmembers get criticism from me, and no matter what the target of their praise or criticism is.

I've been doing it a while, but I know I miss things on the show. If I missed something people caught, or if I misconstrued something, feel free to say so in comments. I try to keep it light, but try to cover all the bases. I know I fall short often. And most of the time I'm either extremely hungover or half asleep.

Anyway, thems the reasons.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Gameday Recap

Week Five
Iowa City, Iowa - Ohio State vs. Iowa
September 30, 2006

Ohio State makes their third appearance on Gameday. Huge crowd on hand. I honestly thought there might be an upset in this game. Oh well. It'll be interesting to see how they cover this.

Musberger's sleeping off the hangover. Fowler does the opening, with appropriate hyperbole: "biggest game here in over 20 years"
Really does look like a massive crowd. I can't wait for the day when the crowd is so big they cover the fake field and Desmond Howard can't report.
Iowa is special for Lee because his mother was born here.
Herbstreit: Iowa is one of the most hostile environments in the country.
Troy Smith: Losing to Iowa was a "cold cold cold feeling". His interviews sometimes seem like slam poetry. And I like it.
Corso: Iowa has some voodoo going for them, like Penn State last year. Herbstreit shrugs, but says the crowd will be a big factor, and that's similar to that Penn State game.
Herbstreit is confident that Iowa is Ohio State's last tough game until Michigan.
Fowler: "We all agree" that the environment in Iowa is tougher than at Texas. Something about how Texas is wine and cheese, while Iowa is beer and brats. (Enjoy that line, BON. ESPN hype is like the biggest player on campus... he told me he loved me, then we had a moment, and he was gone.)
Best Sign: Lou Holtz for Prethident
Herbstreit calls Corso "Scooter". The ESPN ombudsman complained about Corso calling Herbie "Sweetheart". Will he follow up with this?
What to watch for has some info there, but they clog it up with guitars in the background.
Herbstreit calls Corso "LC". (Would Lauren from Laguna Beach provide better insight? A good question...)
Fowler asks us why Brady Quinn has been sucking compared to last year. Charlie Weis thinks Quinn was over hyped, not overrated. Fowler hints that Quinn's overrated, forgets that he's part of the reason why he's rated highly.
Corso thinks Quinn's in the Heisman top three. Herbstreit wants to talk facts, then gives his opinion on what Notre Dame and Quinn will do over the next few weeks. Corso and Herbstreit thinks Quinn will end up a finalist. Fowler tries to suggest that Quinn wouldn't be as noted if not the ND uniform (duh).
Fowler: BYU pounded TCU, so BYU should be ranked
WIRED with the coach of Boise State. Useless.
Fowler suggests that Boise will have trouble with Utah because they struggled at Wyoming. Corso thinks Boise will go undefeated and play in a BCS game. Herbstreit thinks Boise will win, run the table, but won't make a BCS bowl. (I think Herbstreit's logic here is flawed, and Fowler calls him on it.) Corso thinks there'll be a revolution if Boise runs the table but doesn't make a BCS game. Herbstreit really thinks voters won't move undefeated teams up as other teams lose.
GameFace: no facepaint. Iowa, you just got some respect from these corners.
In depth focus on Colorado. Dan Hawkins has some Busey in him. Never noticed that before. Fowler's gotta be hurting during this story. Fowler: Colorado's the best team ever to have lost 8 in a row.
Extended piece on Dan Hawkins. Shelley Smith (!!!!!!!!) reporting and it's not on USC. Stunning. Shelley finally gets some frequent flier miles! This is her best piece in a decade. No soft lens, no wispy narration. Lots of Busey in Hawkins.
Corso thinks Colorado is gonna be OK. Herbstreit thinks Hawkins needs time, but that Colorado might compete in the Big XII North, starting with an upset today. Corso gives him an uninspired NSFMF.
Herbstreit says there's potential upsets all over the place today, singles out Wazzu over SC.
Desmond Howard joins, and Fowler says that he's another ex-Big Ten guy with fond memories here. (That doesn't raise eyebrows).
Corso gives an obvious pick, that Oregon and ASU will be a shootout with Oregon winning. Fowler the only one who doubts Oregon.
WSU-USC. Herbstreit thinks Jarrett will be a problem. They point out the WSU flag.
Howard: USC isn't explosive, doesn't have stars except Jarrett. (Smith, all those damn stud RBs? Does Howard have no idea what he's talking about?)
Howard and Corso think Michigan is #2. Corso thinks the preseason polls were way wrong about Michigan. Herbstreit also thinks Michigan is #2, because Auburn played a close game on Thursday.
Herbstreit seriously thinks WSU beats USC. Good if you got the spread. Bad if you took the money line. Herbstreit says he's taking WSU because Tommy Tuberville told him the Cougars had a good line.
Little bit about how all the QBs OSU has faced have been young and inexperienced, unlike Iowa. The hype seems a little balanced this week so far - lots about Iowa.
Semi-extended piece on Drew Tate. Lots of celebration shots.
Musberger woke up and rolled out of bed. On the fake field with a bad broadcast team. Bob Davie has trouble deciding which camera to look into. Herbstreit thinks the crowd will have to be huge for Iowa to win.
Fowler asks Corso what he'd do if he were coaching against OSU. (Simple answer: lose hilariously). His answers: run the ball, score early, play good defense. (You could pay him for it, but it's priceless info)
Fowler teases a Buy/Sell bit. Royalties owed to EDSBS.
Iowa City looks like a nice town from the blimp.
Segment on the unheralded unbeatens.
Insane clip of the Rutgers locker room celebration. Schiano seems to be an impressive dude. I kind of hope he stays at Rutgers.
Buy/Sell. Fowler even name drops Jim Cramer. SUE ORSON SUE!
Auburn: Corso selling, Herbstreit buying.
South Carolina: Corso selling, saying they'll lose 5 of 7. Herbstreit buying, Newton the real deal.
Clemson: Corso selling, Herbstreit buying. (I like Herbstreit's calls so far)
Georgia: Corso buying, thinks they'll win 4 in a row. Herbstreit selling because of young QBs.
Washington: Corso selling. Herbstreit selling.
Michigan State: Corso sold them last week. Herbstreit also selling.
More stuff on Michigan State. Wow they are pretty embarrassing. Can't someone turn that place into a winner?
Extended piece on last week's Notre Dame comeback. Everyone thinks the MSU comeback is good for ND.
Flashback: Herbstreit's first day of school. In it, Fowler says that Corso and Herbie were agreeing too much. Now there's forced arguments. Great.
Houston-Miami. Seems like they're covering more teams now (Boise, Miami, Colorado). A good change. Hopefully this isn't just something they do on slower weekends. Corso thinks Miami wins close because of the off-week. The experts don't like the heat Coker is feeling.
GT-VT: Corso thinks VT wins with D and special teams (the opposite happens. Also, is the CorsoBot 3000 filling in today? Everything Corso is saying is cliched and something he could've said any year in the last 10. Herbstreit thinks the GT run D will be very good. Herbstreit thinks Ball might ruin the game for GT, but thinks they win anyway, along with Calvin Johnson making plays (pretty much right on - Herbstreit nailed a whole lot today).
Another good sign: RELEASE MAURICE!
Tulane-SMU: first home game since Katrina. Nearly 2 years since the last home game.
LSU-MSU: LSU's D is killing it, MSU can't score. Big Hype for LSU's D. Over under game on # of first downs.
Clemson-LTU: Fowler thinks the Tigers are underrated, Herbstreit agrees.
Texas-Sam Houston: They think Texas will gain a lot of yards. It appears that the show is covering the bad matchups today. I actually think this is a good thing. I'd rather hear them talk about more teams even if in bad matchups than torture the analysis of OSU, ND, and USC and ignore everyone else.
Legacy of Great WRs at Michigan. A chance for Desmond to fluff himself. Awesome.
Extended piece on Mario Manningham. Desmond Howard on the scene. They show Desmond's diving catch against ND only 5 times. Desmond: "I did it like this. It was one of the best catches of all time!!!! How'd you do it?" or something like that. Manningham is about a foot taller than Desmond. Mario: A good route runner means good technique.
Desmond is on the field by himself. When Fowler suggests that Mario thinks he's taller and faster than Desmond, Desmond calls him a comedian. Yeah. It's funny that Mario is 6 inches taller. Also: don't try Desmond's moves unless you want to hurt yourself. Is it just me, or does Desmond have kind of a "Drag Queen bitchy" confidence about him, rather than a "great athlete swagger" confidence?
Minnesota is evicting the Twins today, building their own stadium.
Michigan good?: Herbstreit thinks Michigan is all about payback this year. Corso thinks Iowa has a chance against Michigan in order to get love from the crowd his father never gave him... [stares blankly off toward the icy ocean... fade]
Fowler says the crowd is getting bigger, but from the blimp it looks like it's shrinking.
Countdown to Kickoff for the... uhhh... UT - Memphis game.
Alabama-Florida: Fowler doesn't think Florida's schedule this month should be legal. Corso also adds that Florida's schedule includes the SECC. Some hype for Tim Tebow. Corso thinks it'll be a close game because Alabama holds on to the ball well. Herbstreit doesn't think it'll be too close because Alabama doesn't have big play capability. Also, Herbstreit thinks Florida's speed on D will be key.
Fowler suggests they're rolling to Gainesville the next week (and they are).
Wisconsin-Indiana: Smaller piece on Terry Hoeppner's surgery. He seems like a nice guy. Iowa fans applaud. Hoeppner's hat has his own name in script on the side.
Extended piece on Anthony Gonzalez's Everest Altitude tent. I like these kinds of pieces because they give some interesting information. Steve Cyphers reporting. What are the drawbacks to using that thing?
Herbstreit likes Iowa's outside pass rush. Corso also thinks Iowa needs to outscore Ohio State to win the game. (McCarverism)
Corso: Psychologically, Iowa should get a running TD, because Ohio State hasn't allowed one yet. Herstreit says "not gonna happen".
Breaking News for Memphis! Rob Stone tells us that some good players are suspended for the first half. Now that's the kind of key, on-site reporting that compulsive gamblers used to be able to count on Gameday to provide! More of this please!
Pontiac Game Changer: Corso: Iowa's kicker. Herbstreit: Antonio Pittman. Fowler: Earl Everett.
Saturday Stupid Selections: Corso: Bama to cover, VT, Texas A&M, Iowa. Herbstreit: USC (though WSU covered)
Again, Herbstreit just offered his opinions in a hundred different ways about this OSU-Iowa game, but he can't predict a score. Stupid.

This was a good show. They covered a lot of games. None of the extended pieces were obnoxiously maudlin. Herbstreit was right about almost everything he took a position on. Corso was obvious, but at least he wasn't totally insane. Even Fowler played the role of journalist a little, questioning Notre Dame hype. Good show. Might've been the best so far.

Any chance that the show isn't annoying me as much because a producer is reading these recaps? If so, you shouldn't pay attention to me. I'm an idiot and pretty drunk while doing this.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Some thoughts on Football and Stuff

Georgia - Ole Miss

Broken Record. Run the ball out of normal formations instead of misdirection. Use better clock management. Stop dropping the ball. Quit running screens to the fullback on 3rd and long. Blah.
I've written rude things about Gregg Easterbrook's TMQ column plenty of times, and he does cherry pick things that fit his theories and discards when things don't work. I'm not sold on most of what he writes, but sometimes his theories at least deserve attention. Anyway, you can either read his column tomorrow or keep reading this paragraph. See, Gregg would have had a field day with Georgia's 4th quarter coaching decisions. 4th Quarter, 12:10, Georgia leads 14-3. Dawgs get the ball on their 40. First play is a pass to Goodman, which was an odd decision because of the propensity of receivers to drop balls, thus stopping the clock. It was a completion, however, and the Dawgs followed it up with two successful running plays, getting a first down and keeping the clock rolling. On first down, the Dawgs were penalized, setting up a long first down. Now, instead of grinding out three 5 yard runs, working off another 3 minutes (or forcing the Rebels to use one of their 3 TOs), Richt instead threw the ball on first and second. Completion on first, incomplete on second. Clock stopped. (this is where Easterbrook would say something like "Ye Gods!", but there's more next time around). Third down, a pass that doesn't go past the first down marker. 4th and about 4 on the 40. Georgia averaged over 4 yards a carry, and that number included a sack and a few backwards plays. There are two options, each with advantages and drawbacks. Punting means a likely 20 yard shift in field position. And Georgia had had two punts blocked already. Not punting means either getting the first down and burning another 3 minutes off the clock, possibly getting close enough to get a field goal, or even a TD (Easterbrook says 1 in 4 possessions turns into a TD). Also, going for it means that there is less than a 100% chance that they'd be giving the ball to the other team. 20 yards or a chance at making it a two touchdown game or better and shortening the game. Momentum might've been something. But the Ely-Kelso punt (after a totally moronic time out), which flew into the end zone, immediately led to the next series where Ole Miss scored their TD. Easterbrook would have called it a preposterous punt. But he would've been more frustrated about the next Georgia series. Pinned back after a foolish decision to bring the kickoff out of the end zone and the usual block in the back/holding penalty on the return, 6 minutes on the clock, and the lead is just 5. Time to grind out a long drive, with three and a half yards a play, killing that clock, right? Nope. First down, pass to Goodman (complete, out of bounds, clock stopped). Now there's some room to work with, so they'll surely run the ball, right? First down, Lumpkin gets 2 yards, clock burns almost a minute. Second down should be another run, right? Nope, pass incomplete. Clock stopped. 3rd and 8, Lumpkin picks up 19 on one of the best blocking schemes of the game. Clock stops momentarily. First down, hand off to Lumpkin. Loss of 2. Ole Miss calls time out, which is great, since they had all three of them at the time. Second and 12, 3:47 to go. Two runs here and it means the clock either gets worked down to around 2:10, or Ole Miss uses their time outs, thus limiting their ability to run the ball (and considering that Ole Miss had 27 yards passing other than the TD, that'd be a great thing). So does Lump take the ball and head straight ahead? Nope, drop back, incompletion. Clock stopped, Ole Miss saves a TO. WORST PLAY CALL OF THE ENTIRE NIGHT. Third down, Stafford drops back again, but thankfully he takes a sack, forcing Ole Miss to burn a time out. Had he thrown an incompletion, Ole Miss would've had another 35+ seconds to work with, and opening their playbook more on the final drive. Second and Third Downs with under 4 minutes, sitting on a lead, and Georgia tries to throw, with a freshman QB and handless receivers. Mindblowing.
Ole Miss fans were awfully friendly outside the stadium. I didn't have any real problems inside, either. Still, there were way more than 52K tailgating, but the stadium wasn't even full. That makes little sense to me. Also, it honestly seemed like their fans only got fired up when the band played Dixie, and then they got quiet again. Perhaps if you cared more about reality than symbolism? Ahhh, who am I to tell people what to think. They sure get fired up about that stuff though. And in a way, ironically, the only African-American Ole Miss students I saw, other than the players, were in the band.
It seemed to me that the coaching staff was more concerned with helping the self esteem of the quarterbacks than actually gaining yards and winning. There was no reason to throw as many passes as we did. And even when Georgia did run, the Dawgs were often in a set to throw but the QB checks off into an inside handoff or a fullback draw. On plays like that, the line is already set to block one way, and the personnel is set for a throw (often with a fewer blocker upfront). When Georgia wanted to run, the yards were there. But we didn't want to. In fact, I'm not sure we've lined up and actually run the ball forward for an extended period in any of the last three games. And that actually makes me feel a little positive about this weekend. Last year we pounded Tennessee up the middle. I'm hoping we use a similar style this weekend. I just hope the coaches start to realize that the fragile egos of the QBs will be just fine if the game is out of hand.
OK, one last thing. Georgia's defensive backfield is really good. And the front 4 are really good. The linebackers worry me though. Verdun-Wheeler hasn't picked the right hole to shoot all year. The Dawgs' D played better when there were 5 down linemen, and one of the safeties was forced forward. I'm glad to see that worked, and I hope the staff keeps that 5 man front around in the Florida game and this weekend too.

Other fun facts...

Wyoming and Florida Atlantic have the same record, 1-4. Wyoming has actually outscored its opponents by 10. Florida Atlantic has been outscored by 170. Only 12 teams have scored 170 points total this season.

If you look at point differential (points scored - points allowed), none of the top three teams remain undefeated. Texas, LSU and Clemson have the greatest point differential, yet each has suffered a defeat.

I think I'll wait one more week to break out the Lebowski Rankings, just to make sure the strength of schedule has sorted itself out. But if you must know, Ohio State is on top, Eastern Michigan is on bottom. And Georgia sits behind Wake Forest and Rutgers.

I've also got a new objective ranking system that I'll break out soon. It's called the English Table. I take all the college football teams and rank them based on record, with three points awarded for a win. The tiebreaker is point differential (which is how I know those fun facts). I know what you might be thinking... that point differential favors high scoring teams. Well, not exactly. I didn't notice any real trends that favored one team over another. And it definitely seemed like defensive teams were more likely to be at the top.

One last fun fact: For all I've complained about Georgia's offense this year, it could be worse. Even in the last two anemic offensive games, Georgia has managed 2 touchdowns, thus earning the G's on their helmets. Consider: Duke hasn't scored 14 points... total... in all their games combined. 13 points in 4 games. 3.25 points a game. Seriously. If they can't get a field goal, they don't deserve to wear the D. 13 points. All of that scored on Wake. Three times Duke's been shutout, including once to 1-AA Richmond. Aside: speaking of Richmond, Gameday should roll into Durham, NH this weekend for the showdown between the Richmond Spiders and the New Hampshire Wildcats. Both teams are 4-0, both have a win against a 1-A BCS team. In a way, it's the only game between two undefeated teams... just a thought.

Gameday recap... maybe tomorrow. Hopefully.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Going to Graceland

Out for the weekend at the General's bachelor party.

Day 1: Making Easy Money Pimpin' Hoes In Style

Day 2: Tunica

Day 3: Oxford, avoiding Orgeron's wrath

Day 4: Liver Transplant

Gameday Recap will likely be late. Also, I'm flying back on Pan Am Clipper. Here's hoping we don't get hijacked and taken to Beirut. (joke credit to Tim in China).

All The Shittiest Music You Never Want To Hear - ALL IN ONE PLACE!!!!

Clay Aiken has a new album out and it's all covers. Covers of hilariously, ridiculously, audaciously awful orthodontist chair music. A Track by Track review based on cursory 30 second clips.

1) Right Here Waiting: What could be a better way to start things off than a Richard Marx stalker song? Clay's speeds things up, but still maintains the aura of that "creepy dude who is always standing at the window with a slightly sweaty look on his face as you walk by". Interestingly enough, in the battle of hairstyles between the original Marx and the current Aiken, the ultramullet is actually the less frightening of the two. He should've done "Don't Mean Nuthin" and then stabbed himself.

2) Lonely No More: This is one of the few non-covers on the album. But I swear I've heard it before. Oh, yeah. That's because it's as boring and pathetic as anything else he's done.

3) Without You: The Badfinger/Harry Nillson song that formed the backdrop for countless awkward evenings for 1970s longing misfits. Clay puts his touch on it too. Of course that touch is a velvet glove, gripping a studded dildo. Let the record show that we're three songs in, and two of them already give the vibe of an awkward, possibly gay teenage misfit who just swears you'll get him if you just give him a chance! I WON'T BE IGNORED!

4) Every Time You Go Away: Paul Young sang it, but Darryl Hall wrote it. Clay sings it a little happier than the original. I hear it simply as spin. The "piece" we take from him surely is herpes, or maybe Hep-C.

5) Sorry Seems to Be The Hardest Word To Say: An Elton John number. And another unrequited love song. "What've I got to do to be heard?" He should've called this album "The Restraining Order".

6) When I See You Smile: Bad English. Whoa! I feel kind of stupid for just realizing that the lead singer of Bad English also sang "Missing You". Wait. No, I do not feel stupid. I feel proud of myself for replacing that kind of knowledge with something not about terrible music. Clay's version is appropriately horrendous. Isn't this song about a father looking at his child? Clay, I just don't but the fatherhood vibe. Unless it's a father figure to a twink thing.

7) A Thousand Days: I think this is a new one, because I've never heard it before. Another song that suggests a stalker. Also suggests slamming my penis in a car door.

8) Everything I Do (I do for you): The song that signifies Bryan Adams's complete emasculation. Mandolins and synthesized celtic flutes evoke the same sort of touch Kevin Costner showed in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves - hack, lame, out of place, terrible. This track makes my ears hurt.

9) Because You Loved Me: Good God. I'm quite positive that a stiff earfucking from Big John Studd would be more pleasant than listening to Clay's cover of this Celine Dion bedpan. I imagine this version will be played at the announcement for countless "Teacher of the Year" awards. This song makes me want to go to a suburban Wal-Mart and kick overweight women in the vaginas.

10) I Want To Know What Love Is: Foreigner's shittiest song. And Clay makes it worse. Where's Carl to show this fruit how to rock?

Wait a second... is that from the '83 tour? Yeah, I saw dose guise in da Meadowlands wit Bryan Adams, dat was a kickass show! I totally copped dis feel off dis passed out broad while dey were playin' Urgent. Everytime I hear Urgent on the radio I thinka dat girls boobs and uhhh... covered in vomit.

11) These Open Arms: Another new one. Co-written by Jon Bon Jovi. The worst thing JoBoJo has done since Moonlight and Valentino. Clay makes it worse. This song is the musical equivalent of a terrible Arena Football team's uniforms. Errrr...

I can't believe MJ from the Real World gave up this cash cow for scale on "The Gauntlet II"

12) Here You Come Again: A Dolly Parton song that totally ruled back in the day. Clay takes all the bubbliness, fun, enjoyment and wraps it up in a big shit sandwich. Yes, I know, that's just nitpicking. Nonetheless, Clay's song here encourages me to (a) kill myself and (b) blame his music in the suicide note.

13) Everything I Have: An original, and originally awful. This song might work on a really bad animated movie. No, wait, it wouldn't. Another piece of shit. A song that makes testicular piercing seem like a welcome change.

14) Broken Wings: Mister Mister's 80s hit ate a dick, so appropriately Clay swallows it to close the album. A song that inspires me to listen to static and children screaming. And some kind of spoken word? I think I'll go and rub some of my dog's feces in my ears to wash them out.

Remind me never to write something like this again.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Gameday Recap

Week Four
Columbus, Ohio - Penn State vs. Ohio State
September 23, 2006

A poor week of football is planned, and I'll be stunned if they actually fill 2 hours of programming with information. I'm expecting lots of filler. And Ohio State hype. It seems pretty clear to me that ESPN's horse this year is wearing a sweatervest. This could be the second of possibly 5 (or more) visits to Buckeye games this year. This is the first time Gameday hasn't been at the ABC night game site (though the show is still cross-promoting).

No Musberger, so no "YOU ARE LOOKING LIVE!"
Corso is excited because of no more cupcakes (again, he's on the record before as saying that he'd load up on cupcakes were he still a coach).
Fowler provides facts! Penn State is 0-6 in Columbus since joining the Big 10, Penn State is the biggest underdog they've been since 1988.
Fowler: Troy Smith is the Heisman "co-frontrunner" (doesn't say who else - Peterson, I'd guess, but maybe Quinn?)
Corso: OSU has a big advantage in the kicking game, especially if the weather is bad.
Herbstreit: Penn State's "White-Out" last year was "the best environment I've ever watched a football game [in]". Bold statement.
Fowler: conference record for signs and fans behind them. Looks like a big crowd.
What to watch for: Michigan intensity, Michigan State D, Texas muscle, Cal O, USC big plays, Auburn to letdown? (For the record, that's 5 of 6 games mentioned featuring teams that play on ABC/ESPN nearly exclusively, and the one negatively discussed plays on CBS primarily. Just so you know...)
Fowler: Auburn fans came to Columbus because they want to see a competitive ball game. (Auburn might be playing a weak opponent today, but their overall schedule is pretty tough, and not quite deserving of a snide comment - imagine, if you will, had Gameday gone to Auburn-LSU last weekend, and then the show put an Ohio State fan on camera and badmouthed the fact that the Buckeyes were playing only Cincinnati. I don't see that happening.)
Graphic on ranked teams "away from home". (I'm not sure what this means, but it seems misleading. There are probably a few teams that might not be ranked today but might be by the time they play any of these teams. Plus, there might be a team or two that is ranked today, but won't be by the time they play. And finally, the "away" qualifier is stupid. USC and Auburn both have very tough games against top opponents - tough enough to be a serious threat. USC has three ranked opponents in a row late in the year. Auburn has two top 10 teams. But these games aren't threats because they're played at home? That's silly.)
Fowler: After Ohio State, which is a given at #1 this week, how do you rank the other unbeatens? (Here's what I hate: why is anything "a given"? Why can no other team have as good a claim to #1? Michigan beat a highly ranked team on the road. USC has pretty much blown out everyone it's played. Florida has beaten a highly ranked team on the road too. Not to dispute that Ohio State has a claim, but why is anything this far into the season perceived as "a given"?). Herbstreit says USC has an advantage at #2.
Corso: forget preseason polls. Michigan is #2 because of what he's seen so far. (Seems like the meds are on today).
Herbstreit: When you're undefeated and trying to crack the top 2, it's "all about style points". (if you need a single sentence to describe why I get frustrated with awarding titles via polls, look at this quote. Style points? Go judge figure skating.)
Fowler points out too that the preseason polls are affecting Michigan. Paraphrasing, "Had we known Michigan would've played well, they'd be in a better spot now." (YES. AND THAT'S WHY THE PRESEASON POLLS ARE STUPID AND POSSIBLY UNFAIR!)
Fowler: If Florida runs the table, how can you not have them at #1. Herbstreit: Florida has the "toughest schedule in the history of college football", but only says that if they run the table "they should be up there."
Fowler: "The worst week in instant replay officiating". Hints at regional bias. Replaying these Oklahoma-Oregon plays is frustrating, but it's good that Gameday is showing it.
This is taking a lot longer than normal. Surprising, not much filler so far.
Fowler thinks Oklahoma might not be focusing on the field because of the officiating deal (uhh, not so much. MTSU took a pounding).
Corso: thinks we only need instant replay in the MNC game. Gets on soapbox to yell at Stoops, but Herbstreit puts Stoops' statements in perspective (he's answering questions).
Herbstreit: The Pac-10 and Big 12 need to get on board with better technology. Replay technology and officials should be universal.
Corso: Oklahoma should've still won the game. Compares it to some game he coached 30 years ago where he got screwed.
Herbstreit: the field officials suck too - Oklahoma recovered the ball!
Fowler uses that joke about Oregon's new uniform being vertical black and white stripes.
A third of reviewed plays have been reversed, most in the SEC. (This would've been a nice spot to highlight the controversy of officials making decisions on the field that can be reversed, as opposed to what they think is the correct decision - i.e. allowing possible fumbles to continue because if they rule it down and get reversed the recovering team doesn't get their return yards. )
Two teases so far on Tyson Gentry, but that's it because they roll right into the story. Tom Rinaldi reporting. Nice piece, and timely with the Adam Taliaferro aspect.
Gillette Game Face: No facepaint. Just an idiotic rasta-wig.
Young QBs in the SEC discussed.
Extended piece on Chris Leak with Desmond Howard reporting. Throws in some Theismania. Dallas Baker towers over Desmond.
Back on set, Howard tells us several things that coaches told him. Then he tells us what he told Chris Leak about what his own former coaches told him. (Some important media critic told me how lame Desmond Howard's analysis is.)
Herbstreit and Corso fluff Chris Leak for a while. Lots of hype. (Normally I'd think that this is significant because of the usual lack of SEC hype... but Florida's playing on ESPN tonight.)
Gameday flashback: a marriage proposal at Columbus in 1998. This is the second time this year Gameday has focused on couples hooking up via gameday.
Corso on WVU: Slaton's good. Mountaineers roll (they didn't really).
Herbstreit: Louisville might face a little bit of a test early, but Louisville wins. Fowler thinks K-State is better than people think.
Corso: Louisville is better than WVU now, but he's sticking with WVU in the MNC game, but also thinks Louisville will beat WVU. Herbstreit thinks Corso's using reverse psychology, like he tried last week with UT-UF.
Fowler: Louisville's win over Miami last week was a low point for Miami. (Hang on here. Louisville was ranked higher, favored, and playing at home. Yes, it was an asswhipping, but it wasn't that surprising a loss. And the LSU Peach Bowl loss was much worse, in my opinion.) Fowler's surprised that Miami's getting any votes in the polls.
Joe Schad reports about the feeding frenzy surrounding Larry Coker. They interview Dan LeBatard. One misleading statement: "After winning the MNC, the rankings have gone down each year" - uhh, the next year they finished 2nd and lost the MNC game on a suspect call! It's not like Miami has fallen apart after the 2001 season. They were still right in the mix.
Corso: If Coker makes the BCS, he'll be back at Miami.
Herbstreit: Miami basically gave up against Louisville and that's a problem. Confidence and desire are needed at Miami.
Fowler gives some facts about Cal-ASU. ASU doesn't win in the state of California, ASU has turned the ball over too much.
Corso: Cal wins because the game is in Berkeley and that's where scholars are and Cal wins at debating and stuff. (You can't pay for this kind of analysis).
Herbstreit: Cal looked terrible against Tennessee on D, so Arizona State will score, but Cal wins.
Fowler is concerned about Cal's Offensive line.
As we near the second hour, there are now a lot more commercial breaks. Filling time.
Graphic tries to jinx Mike Hart into fumbling ("Hasn't fumbled in 500+ carries!")
Extended piece on Paul Posluszny. Wendy Nix reporting. This piece is better than normal. Very football-focused. Not as much heart-wrenching stuff. Fits the player too. This piece is how they should do these in-depth bits. Seriously, this one was good. Someone tell Shelley Smith that this is what her product is supposed to look like. Highest praise. Nix had a good piece on Ray-Ray last week too. Rising talent.
Fowler again breaks out the Joap-uh.
Corso and Herbstreit don't think Posluszny is all the way back. Fowler wants them to be nicer.
In a tease, Fowler asks if Colorado will score against Georgia. (Henshould've asked if Georgia would score against Colorado...)
Fowler: Stocco has been "aight" so far, PJ Hill out of Brooklyn has been "representin' the 718". (Say word, Chris!)
WIRED! with Bret Bielema. Another totally useless minute and a half. "REACH!" "RUN THROUGH!"
They bring in Chris Spielman to discuss Michigan. Fowler calls it fair play because Desmond Howard has been talking about OSU. (Aren't there any players from conferences outside the Big 10 that can string 5 words together? Guess not.)
Herbstreit talks about how Michigan has learned to fight off mental mistakes late. (Again, it's nice to see two Buckeyes providing everything you need to know about Michigan.)
Corso repeats everything we've already heard about Michigan. Then he drops a bomb: Beating Notre Dame in South Bend is tougher than beating Ohio State in Columbus. (Comedy. I take back what I wrote about his meds.)
Great comment by Fowler about how Bielema is glad to be coaching against someone he hasn't showered with. Gross.
Fowler talks about Colorado sucking on offense. Only Duke and Temple have longer losing streaks than CU.
Extended piece on Ralphie traveling to UGA. Chris Connelly reporting. (Seeing the Buffalo run was awesome. This story is kind of lame. He used the pun "They're running late, and hope they can speed up and 'Bison' time".
Herbstreit and Fowler call Hairy Dawg the "other Uga". No. There is only one Uga. Hairy Dawg is Hairy Dawg and he'll never ever ever be Uga.
Herbstreit thinks Georgia's schedule is OK, the defense is great. Thinks they might be able to win the SEC with better play on O line and at QB.
Corso thinks Georgia won't win the SEC because they have to go to Jacksonville and beat the "beloved" Gators. (Beloved?) Also doesn't think a freshman QB can win on the road in the SEC.
Both Corso and Herbstreit think Colorado gets shutout today. Corso thinks the Boise State-Georgia game would end up closer than CU-UGA. Herbstreit says it'll get ugly. (Herbstreit's right, but entirely for the wrong reasons.)
Fowler thinks the 1966 MSU-ND game was a lemon. My cable feed went out for a while here so I missed what they said about that game.
Footage of Charlie Weis's press conference where he doesn't want to talk about the things Gameday wants to mention.
Fowler gives Howard props for picking Michigan against ND. (Way to go! Your biases paid off!)
Herbstreit: ND has had trouble on 1st and 2nd down, then faces tough blitzes on 3rd.
Corso: ND-MSU will be a shootout, great offenses. (correct) Picks MSU, even though he calls himself stupid.
Again, they try to jinx Mike Hart about fumbling.
Rob Stone on UM-Wisconsin provided some info. I kind of wish they did this for more games. On site reporting is usually a little better than what the three on-set dudes think.
Corso likes Michigan's defense. Makes some really obvious comments all in a row. Repeating them here would be picking on the elderly.
Howard tells us all about Ron English, DC at Michigan. (keep your sources happy!). Howard also chastises the crowd for booing him.
Fowler Facts! Penn State has held OSU to their lowest O output in the last 2 meetings.
Extended highlights on Troy Smith. I think this might just be a re-edit of a previous piece from the Texas week.
Corso also now calls Ohio State "beloved". Then says nothing of interest about the OSU offense. He does like the player who is from Florida.
Howard: If PSU's D can't hang with OSU's O, Penn State doesn't have a chance.
Herbstreit AGAIN touts OSU's defense, especially the D line. Again uses the terms "as good as you'll find in college football. (He's really staying on message for his alma mater.)
Fowler sarcastically mentions that Michigan-Wisconsin is coming up. They've spent about half the show mentioning that.
Corso and Herbstreit think Iowa rolls, Texas rolls. Lots of coverage of these ranked teams.
Pontiac Game Changer: Corso: Drew Stanton; Herbstreit: Mike Hart; Fowler: George Stripling (Louisville)
Saturday Stupid Selections: Corso: Michigan State, Kansas State, UCLA. Herbstreit: UCLA, Alabama

Not quite as bad a show as I was expecting. Shelley Smith had the week off, which is a good thing. Unlike last year, Herbstreit didn't use his kids as a crutch to say kind of dickish things. More than half of the individuals who were given airtime as "experts" are Big 10 homers (and that doesn't even count Corso, who coached in the Big 10 - if you count him, Fowler is the only person who offered opinions on this show who didn't have a tie to the Big 10). The Posluszny piece was one of the better pieces I've seen this show do in a while.

Next week: Dollars to donuts that they're in Iowa for Ohio State's third appearance as a participant in the Gameday-attended game. Not that there's a better game out there or anything, but it's pretty clear who they're throwing the weight of the mouse behind.

Undeserved.

Wow.

My seven years as a student at the University of Georgia spanned the last year of the Ray Goff era, the complete stretch of the Jim Donnan years, and the first season of Mark Richt's tenure.

Simply stated, not in the last 4 seasons have I felt so much like I was back in school.

Unprepared describes the game some. Unmotivated describes it too. I suppose I fell into the trap too, but I feel pretty stupid for taking lightly Colorado.

And twice in the second half, while trailing, Georgia expended a timeout WITH THE CLOCK STOPPED ALREADY! Once when the penalty would've been merely five yards on an extra point! Coutu might've been injured, but I think he could've hit a 24 yarder just about as well as a 19 yarder. Thankfully Colorado's use of timeouts was about as bad.

But no excuses can or should be made. Colorado played nearly flawlessly for the first 50 minutes of the game. And in a way it took their miscues to swing the game.

The positives? Well, there's a 4 in the win column. And hopefully this gets Georgia's "bad game" out of the way. And I loved the Joe Cox quote when he finally entered the game (so sayeth Kevin Butler on the 5th quarter show): "We're winning this game. If we can't score 14 points, we don't deserve to wear the G on our helmet." Great attitude.

The negatives? Everything else but I'll focus on two things:

1) Apparently Georgia still has trouble defending teams that cannot throw the ball downfield. For the duration of the game, Colorado didn't really attempt a pass longer than 6 yards (though many went for longer than that because of missed coverage and missed tackles in thefirst half). Yet Georgia continued to play both safeties 15-20 yards off the ball, choosing to play 7 on 9. The opponent's rushing attack wasn't as potent (thankfully), but our defensive strategy (for the first half - Georgia made some adjustments after halftime) looked a whole lot like that towards West Virginia.

2) If the Dawgs can't defend 6 yard out passes to the tight end, we'll lose to Florida by 40.

Luckily, we should have a chance to get back on track next weekend against Ole Miss (who got trounced at home by the juggernaut that is Wake Forest). Of course, my head keeps telling me that the hangover from the Colorado game might last a few days (and cost some practice time), and there's also the aspect of looking ahead to Tennessee, and the damn game is scheduled for the middle of the night - all of which don't add up to good things for Georgia. But Mark Richt's Dawgs play well against the West-not-Auburn and especially on the road.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Radio Silence Until Friday

Going to see Sufjan Stevens tomorrow, then heading to God's Country for some work thing Thursday.

In the meantime, ponder the following: When Georgia travels to Eugene, Oregon to play the Ducks, should Damon Evans demand that the game not be officiated by incompetent, drooling, halfblind near-tards, by which I naturally mean that we shouldn't ask that SEC refs travel out there? Wait. Which conference has the shitters? Which one doesn't?

Bonus discussion question: Is there a sporting term in the USA that can make me chuckle like a 10 year old as much as the terms "bunging" and "tapping up"?

You Ruin Everything, Ruiner

Someone thinks this is a good idea. Proof positive that there are morons running things.

The only way this'll work is if every one of those PSAs features dudes getting hit in the nuts.

FOUND!!! MUST GET LAWYER TO FIGHT TRO!!!!

Spotted the delightfully cherubic Martine McCutcheon on the opening episode of the most recent season of MI-5 on A&E. You might recall her from Love Actually, if you have no penis (like me, evidently). Someone get this girl a better agent so we can see some more of her.

Someone get this girl a script!

FOUND!!! MUST CREDIT CHQSAG!!!!

Real journalism here, dogs.

I heard Orson Swindle of EDSBS on the Chuck Oliver Show on 790 The Zone at about 7:30 PM tonight. He mentioned how awesome Dallas Baker was, how Florida ran the ball more than throwing it, and something about the first season of Mannix.

Chuck Oliver rambled and didn't exactly respond to the points made. Then he had trouble figuring out what 15/25 equals in terms of a percentage. They don't call him "the King" for nothing.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Weak Forest? No.

I left a comment on this at Heismanpundit's site. Here's something to look out for:

Wake Forest. Undefeated in November.

Seriously.

Look at their schedule. The Demon Deacons are 3-0, and have a really manageable schedule ahead of them.

Next weekend they travel to Ole Miss, who just crapped the bed against Kentucky and got blown out by Missouri. The Rebels are reeling.

The next weekend they've got 1-AA Liberty. Yes, the ACC hasn't had much luck against 1-AA opponents this year, but Wake should be able to handle it.

October 7th Wake takes on Clemson in Winston Salem. Yes, Clemson will be a big favorite, but look at the history. Clemson has not played well in recent years against Wake. The last two visits to Wake have ended up as losses for the Tigers. In 2003 Wake pounded Clemson 45-17. Even when the game's in Death Valley, the Deacons have played Clemson close, with the last two final scores within a single possession. Of course Clemson will be favored, heavily. But don't sleep on this one. It is not beyond the realm of possibility for Wake to beat Clemson.

The next two matchups are starting to look very reasonable.

Wake plays NC State on October 14th. Then, after a bye, the Deacons take on North Carolina. Both are on the road, but both NC State and UNC have already played very poorly at home this season (NC State against Akron, UNC against Rutgers, Virginia Tech and Furman).

I would not be surprised to see Wake Forest unbeaten when they play Boston College in Winston Salem on November 4th. Unbeaten on November 4th. Seriously. And even then, don't be surprised if Wake leaves atop the Atlantic Division. Wake has won 2 of the last 3 against BC. Last year, when the Eagles won in Chestnut Hill, Wake blew a 9 point lead in the last 3 minutes. That was a poor Wake team against a good BC team.

Could it be possible that Wake goes to Tallahassee on November 11th with the division title on the line as a 9-0 team ranked in the top 20? Wake Forest in Jacksonville, with a few odd fumbles away from the BCS?

Madness.

Hi there...

Just when you think you can disappear for a while and nobody'll notice, Deadspin links to you and you get more visits than the previous two months combined.

Hope ya'll liked what you saw and enjoyed it enough to have a look before hightailing it.

Also, the Gameday Recaps are going to be way better from here on out.

Four words: Sunday Morning Crack Omelettes.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

A few random college football thoughts

Quick hit style...

Georgia-UAB

The Dawgs' defense is the real deal. Seriously. But the special teams might be even better. The return blocking is as good as I've ever seen, and Ely-Kelso and Coutu are legitimate All-SEC types.
Bon Jovi at halftime? Awesome. Here's hoping they do Poison's greatest hits next weekend.
7 and a half minutes to review a catch? Embarrassing. And the officiating was suspect throughout. The illegal procedure foul on the kickoff out of bounds when the UAB player caught it as it was going out of bounds - this had to be an incorrect call.

Officiating

There is a serious problem with instant replay. The end of the Oregon-Oklahoma game was an absolute joke. The ball was clearly touched before 10 yards. Clearly. Obviously.
But that wasn't the worst call of the weekend, nor the only one that directly impacted the game. The waved off PI call in the Auburn-LSU game was perhaps the single worst decision I've ever seen. Yes the ball was tipped. But before the ball was tipped, the Auburn DB knocked the legs out of the LSU receiver. If it wasn't PI, it was defensive holding. In any event, the contact occurred before the tipping of the ball. On such a crucial play, the refs completely blew it. Awful call.

Tennessee-Florida

Chris Leak still doesn't like getting hit. Also, I don't think Leak does a good job of reading defenses. Lots of times the runs go directly into a wall. It's weird, for an offense that has so many possibilities, it seems like more than half the time they run directly into defenders.
Is Florida's run D really that good? They looked amazing.
Justin Harrell is a man.

Clemson-FSU: Why was Proctor's dad bawling after that TD run? Weird.

A few odd scores, that kind of make me think that really, nobody knows anything.

NC State gets whipped by USM (and with Central Michigan knocking off Akron, that loss doesn't quite look so good). UNC gives up 42 to 1-AA Furman. Duke gets waxed. Bad times in the Research Triangle.
Mississippi State loses to Tulane. This is a very bad situation. The firing of Sly Croom (which will eventually happen) will draw scrutiny I don't think the SEC wants. MSU may end up winless.
Southern Illinois tops Indiana (tough because of the Hoeppner surgery). But that means the Big 10 has two losses to 1-AA opponents. Wow.
Thought for a minute that the Wofford Terriers might catch USC sleeping.
Anyone remember why Stanford was a favorite over Navy?

Gameday Recap

Week Three
Los Angeles, California - Nebraska at USC
September 16, 2006

I'll try to set aside the meta discussion on Gameday for this recap, unless it's brought up. It's one of the best weekends of college football in memory, so I'll try to focus on the stupid things these dudes say and not the question about why they're in ~~Pasadena~~ LA (I'm an idiot).

No "You are Looking LIVE!" (Guess Musberger's sleeping off a tight one.)
Looks like a pretty good crowd of fans for 7AM - and not just jetlagged Nebraska fans either. There appear to be plenty of USC fans too.
Fowler: focuses on getting wins on the road, singles out the road teams (turns out to be true in a few of the games)
Corso: CFB begins today, no more cupcake games. (Corso's playing it up for the cameras here; he's long stated that were he coaching, he'd load up his schedule with cupcakes.)
Herbstreit: Yes, today's great, but last week we had 1 vs. 2. (Please don't forget about my precious Buckeyes today!!!!)
Fowler: The next few weeks aren't as strong, so enjoy today.
I like the sign that says "Eric Crouch: Take My Order"
Discussion on Reggie Bush controversy. Corso says IF he's ineligible, he should give up the Heisman. Brings up Jim Thorpe's Olympic Medals. Herbstreit says "clearly there IS evidence", but then says the black cloud of corrpution at USC is the biggest problem, but Bush is a good guy, but it's embarrassing. (confusing, circular). Fowler focuses on "who knew at USC". Corso raises the words "institutional control". (...and Bruins Nation gets erect)
Fowler: the last 40 games between LSU and Auburn won by the Tigers. (hilarious!)
Corso jumps the gun in what to watch for. It's really early out there, I guess.
Graphic on how Lloyd Carr hasn't been so great against the top 10 lately. Fowler mentions how Rivals doesn't think Michigan is recruiting well. Corso says this game isn't as big for UM as it is for ND. (I'd guess that USC is a bigger game for ND than this too though...) Herbstreit: Look at the facts, there is pressure on Lloyd Carr. (I'm not sure that's necessarily a fact, except perhaps in the scientific sense). Michigan remained the all time winningest program by winning today.
Louisville vs. Miami: I like it when Gameday finds some bulletin board material. Nate Harris' comments put up, and Fowler agrees with it. Corso likes Miami because they're an underdog. Herbstreit (who picked UM for the MNC game), now seems to pick up on doubt at UM. Herbstreit thinks Coker is in big trouble with a loss today. Corso likes Louisville too, because the QB's dad played for Corso at Louisville. Herbstreit gives him an awkward high five for that.
Upcoming tease: "Can anything keep Ohio State from a National Title?" (Narrative formation. They only have 10 more opponents that can keep them from it...)
Extended Piece on Ray Ray McElrathbey. Wendy Nix (who we haven't seen before) reports. This was a decent piece. (I know I wasn't going to get meta, but would this story have run had Clemson not been on ESPN last night? Is it sad that I even ask the question?) Wendy doesn't get into the NCAA decision - they tease an episode of Outside the Lines on Tuesday that'll probably cover that side of it.
GameFace: The dudes have the word "ICY" on their chests. I suppose "HOT" and "STUNTAZ" overslept.
Fowler: Defense has been key in the SEC. 4 shutouts so far. (Pac 10 dudes would say that bad offense might have something to do with it. Just covering all the bases, personally I think the Ds are really good.)
WIRED with Charlie Strong. "Stay square!" "Reach Back!" "Wrap it up!" And we don't see what the players were doing. Useless.
Graphic: Tennessee's offense is better. Desmond Howard is on the fake field to talk about UT's offense.
This is a direct quote from Desmond Howard: "When I watch game, it's probably like Martin Scorsese or Spike Lee watching a movie; I mean I really look at it to break it down." (How very humble of you to say that.)
Desmond also occasionally tumbles in to that sports punditry flaw I like to call "Theismania" - the propensity to say "Coach so and so TOLD ME that this would happen." Howard says something like that 5 times in this one segment.
Fowler: UT-UF isn't as big as AU-LSU because of Georgia.
Herbstreit teases that Tennessee can't get things together (everyone laughs... sarcasm is awesome on this show).
Corso uses the same sarcasm to say Florida doesn't have a chance (how about mixing things up a little?). Corso focuses on Tebow and Harvin.
Background sign of Borat "US&C - Nice!"
Late NSFMF for the Gators by Corso.
Closeup graphic on Matthew Stafford. Laying the foundation for future hype.
Extended piece on John Vaughn at Auburn. Tom Rinaldi reporting. This piece reminds me that I need to write a post analysing the numbers about missed FGs at Death Valley in LSU. How many missed FGs have happened there? Voodoo.
Vaughn is a Groza candidate, says Fowler? Not sure he's even second team All-SEC.
Herbstreit: Auburn wins because they're playing at home and defense.
Corso: LSU's D is good because a guy on the D is named Chase, which is Herbstreit's new son's name, and the kid was born on Corso's birthday. (You can't pay for that kind of analysis.)
They're using the fake field to joke with some Nebraska fan who's going to try to kick a field goal. They ice him. At least now they realize how stupid the fake field is.
Some highlights from Nebraska in the mid-90s. Those teams were so damn good. Interestingly, the graphic says "Nebraska by the Numbers" but there aren't any numbers mentioned.
Fowler mentions how both Carroll and Callahan were NFL coaches. I hadn't really thought about it. Bill Simmons is probably planning 10 jokes about why college football sucks because of this coaching matchup
WIRED with Bill Callahan. He's talking so fast. This is the worst one ever. Might as well have been speaking sanskrit.
Musberger, Davie and Herbstreit on the fake field to talk about USC-Nebraska. Big shadow across Herbstreit's face. Some producer is probably yelling about how they'll never have a fake goalpost on set again. Davie says the best way to beat USC is to not schedule them (that's so December 2005).
Mark May comes on to talk USC. Says nothing crazy. Luckily Corso is there to fluff Cal. (I suppose we all were supposed to forget how bad Tennessee whipped Cal).
The teases before commercial are on how John David Booty has an accent and Oregon's uniforms. Key information about the games. Biggest weekend ever and that's the focus? Wow.
Fowler mocks Chuck Amato for bitching about MAC partial qualifiers. Corso and Herbstreit say that wasn't nice. Whatever. Amato should get mocked. Then Herbstreit calls it sarcasm. I'm not sure these guys understand sarcasm.
Clemson-FSU. Fowler: FSU has the ACC's best D, Clemson has the ACC's best O. Corso tells FSU to throw the ball 50 times. That was a really awesome highlight catch by FSU's Warren. Corso says FSU can beat everyone on their lousy schedule except Florida just by throwing the ball.
Fowler takes the ACC down a peg - tells BC and Wake to stand up for the ACC in OOC games.
Flashback to Charles Barkley on the set at an Auburn-Tennessee game. Ahh, memories. Back way back when Gameday used to come to SEC games.
Barkley joins the show on the hotline. Fowler tells Barkley to keep his responses "G Rated." (I would love to have heard what he said just before going on the air.) Barkley doesn't think Auburn is overlooked for the MNC chase, thinks the SEC is too tough and that Auburn might lose twice. Barkley: The SEC is too tough, not like cupcake conferences like the Pac 10 and Big XII. (Barkley is as good as it gets for saying things intended to elicit a response.) Herbstreit and Fowler try to play a little game with him, asking if he really thinks Auburn's going to lose, and Barkley says the Alabama and Georgia games could both give trouble, as well as the SEC Title game. A reasonable and sound statement, and one that makes Fowler and Herbstreit kind of surprised - realistic and "who knows" type predictions do not mesh well with Gameday's recent "BEST TEAM EVER WILL NEVER LOSE!!!11~!!" hype.
Howard and Corso on the fake field act out how a play gets called and how you do a silent count. I guess this is slightly helpful, at least compared to most of the stuff they do here. I spoke too soon. Howard makes no sense.
Extended piece on Oregon's uniforms. Chris Connelly (the king of useless stories) reporting. The Oregon player that looks like Carlton from Fresh Prince was responsible for the reflectible Xs on the shoulders. Oregon has 384 uniform combos. All of these are not important facts. Luckily Fowler is there to provide proper context - why don't we talk football.
Corso: Adrian Peterson is the best big back in the nation. (Not that I disagree, I just like to log those kind of unqualified statements.) Oklahoma has never played in Oregon, so Oregon wins. Not one of Corso's best days.
Herbstreit: Oklahoma hasn't been very good at tackling. (Absolutely prescient. Oklahoma's tackling was awful late in the game)
Fowler: Oregon hasn't allowed a sack so far. That's interesting.
They've teased the John David Booty story at least 5 times leading into commercial. Do they really think there are that many people on the edge of their seats waiting for a stupic Shelley Smith story?
For an unbiased approach to the Michigan-ND game, they throw to Desmond Howard. More Theismania - this coach told me this. I didn't know Alex Gibbs was working with Michigan, so Howard actually brought up something useful.
WIRED with Charlie Weis. This is kind of unintentionally funny. Weis talking about how other teams think they're "soft", and how people need to work harder and get in the weight room. The 5XL sweatshirt barely covers him, but others need to work out.
Corso talks about ND throwing screen passes, while the graphic says "ND offense continues to evolve". (They ran screens all last year! One game started with like 9 straight screens!)
Herbstreit thinks it's good that Weis is finally sensing that he's got a MNC contender, but Herbstreit also thinks UM will have pride and play hard.
Promotion of the noon ESPN game, Iowa vs. Iowa State. Not a bad game, and it probably deserved some more coverage.
Another tease of Booty! This is just embarrassing. Who knew Leinart withdrawal symptoms were so hard to get over?
Finally, the Booty piece. And shockingly, Shelley Smith is covering it. And the USC guys made fun of his accent. And he had to wait on the bench behind a Heisman Trophy winner. The hardships! Such a struggle! This is a truly terrible piece. Utterly useless. Only redeeming value: Coach Sarkisian says Booty has a "Gunslinger mentality". That, my friend, is not a good thing to have.
Fowler: No state has the QB talent that California has. (Texas, Florida? Come on now. There is no way to describe one of those states as having a significant talent advantage over the others. Hell, not too long ago, Western Pennsylvania was known as the place to go for top QBs.)
Herbstreit mentions USC's advantage at WR because of size (from what I saw, this was prescient - though I was watching UF-UT mostly).
Corso: Nebraska looked good against Dime State, no, Nicholls State! Hilarious! Get the Gameday Medic on Corso. His meds are way way way way way off today.
Hype for Ohio State. Herbstreit thinks the tough games for them are at Iowa and at Michigan State. But he also thinks they're heading for the MNC game. Corso calls OSU's D excellently coached.
Herbstreit: The Miami-Louisville game is Coker's biggest game ever!!!
GameChanger: Corso: Percy Harvin. Herbstreit: Dwayne Jarrett. Fowler: Kenny Irons.
Saturday Stupid Selections: Corso: Illinois, Miami (for a very weird reason), FSU, Notre Dame, LSU. Herbstreit: Pittsburgh, Illinois, Texas Tech, Miami, Notre Dame, Tennessee.

I was pretty disappointed by this show. For such a great weekend of football, they focused on bullshit like uniforms and southern accents. Wasted airtime. Corso seemed out of it and moronic throughout. Herbstreit had one of his better days, and I got the feeling like Fowler was frustrated with how the show was becoming focused on things other than football. Perhaps rollover from his column about the location of the show the other day. Obviously, I have no way of knowing, but it really does seem like Fowler is kind of down about how the show isn't about covering football as much as it's about promoting ABC/ESPN games.

It'll be very interesting to see how they cover next week. The night games are ND-Michigan State and USC-Arizona. I have to think that either of those games would be tough for them to travel to, considering ND's annihilation last week. There are only two games between Top 25 opponents (Ohio State-Penn State, Cal-Arizona State). From looking at the schedule, one of the few matchups between undefeated teams is Michigan-Wisconsin, and that game's on ESPN at noon. Maybe they'll use this week to go to an Ivy League game (Harvard-Brown might be a decent game, and close to Bristol) or an HBC matchup (Norfolk State-Bethune Cookman features two undefeated teams, and seeing Alvin Wyatt on Gameday would totally be worth doing these stupid recaps). If nothing else, expect some even worse tearjerker pieces to fill two hours with a bad slate of games like next week.

When USC plays a lemon, ND has shat the bed, and Ohio State is playing a dud, use the Wyattbone.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Easterbrook Update

No long post, since that'd be exhausting. But if you want to know whether to pay attention to Gregg Easterbrook's TMQ column whenever he starts writing about college football, including, I'd argue, when he discusses the NFL Entry Draft, here's what you need to read, from this week's column:

Stats of the Week No. 8: Someone named Rex Grossman significantly outperformed Brett Favre.

Yes. "Someone". Someone who finished second in one of the closest Heisman Trophy races in history. Someone who owns dozens of records passing at the University of Florida. Someone who had one of the highest pass efficiency in the history of the NCAA. Someone who was a consensus first team All-American. Someone who was a first round draft pick in a very deep and talented draft (Palmer, Polamalu, Leftwich, Jordan Gross, Larry Johnson, Willis McGahee, Anquan Boldin, Chris Simms, Domanick Davis, Andre Johnson, and plenty more).

Sure, if you want to keep your NFL columnist union card, you have to keep one of Brett Favre's nuts tucked in like a big chew. But is this stat even the slightest bit surprising? Brett Favre's prime was a decade ago. Grossman is getting to his prime right now.

The "Someone named" bit might've worked had it been, I don't know, Craig Nall at Buffalo (go ahead, look him up... he's third on the depth chart and he's from Northwestern State). But Grossman?

Go back to cherry picking situations that prove your theories.

On the Gameday Controversy

For a primer, there's this post at EDSBS. Basics: Gameday allegedly was heading to Knoxville, but Monday they changed things up and decided to head to LA for the USC-Nebraska game, which just so happens to be airing on ABC (rather than the three games between the highest ranked teams, on CBS and NBC).

Some commentators wondered what the big deal was, since people watch the big games no matter where Gameday broadcasts from. That's true to an extent, but to discount the effect upon polls and national attention that Gameday has is naive. When Gameday appears at a particular location, they generally do two or more extended pieces on the teams playing. This is natural, since mere proximity makes it easier and cheaper for ESPN to do stories on the immediate teams. More interviews and special interest stories directly contribute to how well known a team is. Remember, college football is a regional sport. Voters in polls stationed in one part of the country do not receive the same coverage, which is often consumed via osmosis or saturation. Gameday is one of the few easily available outlets for gaining information about teams across the country. That's why it's important when Gameday makes editorial decisions to avoid particular teams.

But though it's important for college football fans to notice that ESPN might be ignoring particular teams, or at a minimum lowering coverage of particular teams, it must be said that ESPN is not doing anything wrong here.

It is not ESPN's or ABC's job to preserve fairness in college football.

It is not ESPN's job to make certain that every team receives equal coverage.

It is only ESPN's job to ensure that it maximizes profits.

And the way that ESPN does that is by promoting the products that it and its corporate partners have exclusive deals with. And this is not something ESPN can or should be blamed for doing.

If anything, the other networks that show college football aren't doing their part. Freeloaders, all.

The FOX regional networks have tried things with an awful show. But the FSNs have no first rate, top-notch matchups. Yes, they occasionally have a great Pac-10 matchup when ABC prefers to focus on a Big 10 or Big XII matchup mid-day. FSN South frequently shows 1-AA programs in the middle of the day. Simply, it's hard to promote the games if your product isn't first class.

NBC only shows Notre Dame, and only half their games at that. Plus, Notre Dame is going to get covered regardless. Betting on ESPN to cover ND is a safe bet for NBC.

CBS truly has a free rider issue. CBS has top flight matchups in the SEC, but has relied on ESPN to promote it. Why should ESPN make the effort to promote its competitor? Why does CBS think it can rely on that? Journalistic ethics? In this day and age? It's foolish. And it's high time CBS woke up.

When Gameday decided this week to skip the Tennessee-Florida game and the matchup between the two highest ranked teams (when added together), Auburn-LSU, instead traveling to a vacant location at 7AM to cover a team which will almost definitely be covered again later in the season, there couldn't be a louder wake-up call to the other networks. ESPN will not cover games on other channels simply because they are big games. Sure, they'll spend some time on the SEC matchups and ND-Michigan. But expect extended pieces on Nebraska's "return to glory" and I'll bet dollars to donuts that Shelley Smith has a heartbreaking feature on USC.

CBS needs a preview show. Simply said. Over the next few years, I expect OLN/Versus and CSTV, both corporate relatives of CBS, to get into the college football business. I believe the Mountain West Conference already has a relationship with CSTV. The Big East, recently emergent on the field, may have a better bargaining position and could improve their current 4th place position on ABC. The Big XII ought to have their second best game each week on a better network than FSN Regional. There is an opportunity for CBS to grow their portfolio of college football. With some investment, CBS would have plenty to promote - and they'll have to know that Gameday alone won't do the trick.

So SEC fans need not complain about ESPN for promoting their properties. They should complain about CBS conceding the entire market to Gameday, expecting a competitor to promote its product. That's foolish.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Gameday Recap

Week 2
September 9, 2006
Austin, TX - Ohio State vs. Texas

So there's a Biggest Game Ever this weekend, and I was expecting the Gameday Gang to break out the hype machine. Herbstreit couldn't say something bad about OSU if you held a gun to his head. But they weren't as overbearing as I expected.

You are looking LIVE!
Whoa! In the intro, Fowler actually called Paterno Joe-Pah, rather than Joap-uh.
Fowler and others make kind of a big deal about how 1 vs. 2 matchups are rare. (I have a theory about this: 1 vs. 2s are rare because pollsters, when ranking, consider schedules much more than they let on. The reason why there are few 1 vs 2 games is because pollsters consider the schedule of the team they consider lesser - since Team X has to play Team Y, team X will end up losing, and therefore they shouldn't be ranked as high. I might not be clear enough here...)
Hebrstreit: Texas without Vince Young gets too conservative and chokes. Watch for it.
That was short. Fowler follows up with a Joap-uh.
Herbstreit: Watch for South Carolina's athletic defense against the UGA running game.
Herbstreit: "Look at this... Pat Hill actually gets a big time program to come to his stadium". (In the past 5 years, Oregon State has played in Fresno twice, Cal once.)
Herbstreit: Penn State might win 9, but they have to upset one of the big games to get to the BCS.
Corso: Penn State didn't run well against Akron, but then he teases that PSU doesn't have a chance. (Holtz ranted about the PSU Akron game last week too. Akron has a good defense. Very good run defense. Seriously. Ask NC State. It's like it's impossible for these guys to do any research on teams that aren't traditional powers.
Fowler: Scheduling 1-AA teams is embarassing, losing to them is worse. The 12th game has been a joke because so many teams have added 1-AA teams. (I wrote about this in my Easterbrook post below). Praises Pac-10 for their 9th conference game.
Corso: Don't be surprised if West Virginia beats Eastern Washington really good. (They don't call him the best in the business for nothing).
Semi-extended bit on Ted Ginn, which includes Mack Brown praising him to the heights.
Corso: Texas has the most and best defensive backs they've ever had. They'll force Ginn inside and hit him, Sweetheart (which affronts Herbstreit, who naturally blows Ginn).
Herbstreit: Because of Tarell Brown, watch for OSU's Gonzalez. (Good call).
In the tease for the A&M player who was in the Pentagon on 9/11, Texas fans kind of booed. Then when the story starts the fans chant "USA, USA".
Extended piece on Mark Dodge, TAMU linebacker and soldier who was in the Pentagon on 9/11/2001. Tom Rinaldi reporting. Pretty good piece. Guy looks like a good player too. The Texas fans cheer some when the piece ends.
Game Face: no face paint, Fowler suggests that it was hard finding a painted person in Austin. (Major bonus points to Texas for that, IMO).
Fowler: Surprised that the Notre Dame game is pricier than the Texas game.
Is Boise State BCS worthy? Herbstreit thinks possibly. The only team that can beat Boise is Boise (not Fresno?). Corso thinks Boise will run the table and play in the Fiesta Bowl.
Fowler Fact: with a win, Mike Bellotti becomes the all-time winningest coach in Oregon history (he did it).
Fowler Fact: LSU hasn't given up a TD since the SEC Championship last year (and they still haven't).
Corso: LSU won't win the SEC West because of a brutal schedule. "It's unfair!" Corso thinks Arizona covers.
Herbstreit: Arizona has a chance because of coaching, athletic QB, underrated defense. Also thinks Arizona covers.
In tease, Fowler calls Tressel, "Senator". (I'm guessing that's because he's corrupt and takes bribes and stuff)
Interesting comparison between Darrell Royal and Woody Hayes on chart. Looks like Royal has better numbers (higher win %, same number of MNCs, nearly as many conference titles in 8 fewer years). Interestingly, I believe, Royal isn't mentioned as frequently among legends of coaching as Hayes is.
WIRED with Tressel. So lame. He whistles! "Good!" "Regular!" "Got too high!" "Second Group!" So informative.
Fowler Fact: Gene Chizik hasn't lost in 29 games.
Corso, Fowler and Howard on the Gameday Field. I just can't understand Desmond during these segments. He says he "gets jiggy with it and gets up the sidelines". Line of the day. They bring out Lance Armstrong. Corso tackles, and apparently buggers, Armstrong.
Flashback: First time Corso used a head was 10 years ago at Ohio State.
During the mid-show selections, one of the Texas cheerleaders did the backstroke in mid air behind the crew. Looked funny.
Corso: Clemson's good, but they don't win the ACC. Herbstreit thinks they can win the ACC - mentions how they simply reshuffle the LBs (which kind of cost them in OT).
Extended piece on Colt McCoy the lifesaver. Steve Cyphers reporting.
WIRED - Greg Davis. "Sell the fake!" "Good Ball!" These are totally useless segments. If you don't see what he's talking about, what use is it?
Musberger, Davie and Herbstreit on the fake field. Herbstreit says you can't root against McCoy. Davie chimes in with the hard hitting analysis about McCoy's name.
Holy Crap! They bring on Craig James! Throwback to '92! Did Craig James go through a rough patch a while ago? Seemed like he wasn't that terrible on Gameday way back when (though I was younger and more willing to accept what idiots had to say), but then when Herbstreit took his seat it was almost like he completely fell apart. When James was on the Friday night broadcasts with Rod Gilmore, it was almost like he became retarded. Now he looks like his confidence is a little bit back.
Corso throws out a NSFMF! to Craig. (I didn't think either Corso or James said anything too contentious, James thought OSU's D would be OK, Corso thought Texas's D would be good - forced NSFMF).
James: Ted Ginn will be great, Colt McCoy won't be nervous.
Gameday Love connection? They met last year, now they're on their honeymoon? What show is this? Did TiVo tape some terrible MTV dating show instead?
Extended piece on Sidney Rice. Desmond Howard. Rice looks like a badass. I think Howard might start making out with him. Howard says, "You've got excellent hands", and then turns his backside to him. Weird. "He's so big!"
Herbstreit: Stafford will play, may have an impact tonight (Prescient).
Herbstreit: Look out for Corey Boyd, and South Carolina beats UGA with D and running (he did apologize, literally, on Gameday final).
Corso: Georgia's D is really good, but wins tonight because of special teams. Fowler calls that a safe pick. I think he calls Herbstreit cocky here.
Corso: Repeats his claim from last year that Spurrier will not win the SEC at South Carolina.
Graphic on matching up Texas and Ohio State's golfers. Corso takes Stanford, Herbstreit mentions Georgia Tech.
Extended piece on Jeff Samardzjia (I spelled it right the first time!). Tom Rinaldi reporting (two today).
Comparison graphic between ND and PSU. Fowler correctly mentions that the bowl wins column is misleading because ND refused bowls for so long.
The crowd is laughing at something behind them.
Herbstreit wants everyone to relax on ND. Thinks the Irish will look like a completely different team this week.
Corso thinks Penn State will throw the ball well against ND. Picks Penn State in a "major upset".
Fowler: Tennessee looked good against a "depleted" Cal secondary. Now they need to play assignment football against Air Force.
Semi-extended piece on David Cutcliffe and Tennessee getting back to it. Some annoying "WIRED" like sections.
Howard's input on Tennessee is actually a little informative.
Corso: Tennessee is back with a vengeance, but really on defense (last year Tennessee had one of the best defenses in the country, Lee).
The message from Vince Young is ridiculous. Seems like an intro to a weed carrier rap album. "what's up Coach, 'sup Mad Dog and the crew... Get on y'all feet... Let's get it cowgirls." The fans seem to like it though.
Extended piece on Troy Smith. Lisa Salters gives up the ND beat to cover Troy Smith instead. It is a tale of redemption... (This reminds me of something during last night's UT-OSU game. I can't remember whether it was Musberger, Davie or Herbstreit, but one of them praised Jim Tressel very strongly for giving Troy Smith a second chance. Really? Tressel took a real chance there! OSU's boosters' payments to players are pretty widely alleged, and Tressel's ties to many of them have been reported before. Seriously, are we to believe that the payments to Troy Smith had nothing to do with Tressel? And that it was "big of him" to let Smith continue to play after he got caught but kept his mouth shut?)
Corso: likes Texas's D line. Does the "can they even keep it close" schtick for Texas.
Herbstreit: OSU running backs have improved a lot, since Clarett in 2002.
Fowler: OSU has problems in the kicking game. Herbstreit smarmily shrugs that off.
Corso and Herbstreit think CMU will keep it close with Michigan, it'll be boring.
Game Changers: Corso: Limas Sweed. Herbstreit: Will Proctor for Clemson. Fowler: Texas O line.
Saturday Stupid Selections: Corso: Colorado, Penn State, Clemson, Texas. Herbstreit: Clemson, South Carolina. (again, it's dumb that Herbstreit can't pick the ABC game - as if there's any doubt that he has a bias involved. And also, if I were a Texas fan, I'd have been a little pissed that the commentators last night were a former A&M coach and a former QB for Ohio State.)

Not as much hype as I was expecting. Shelley Smith had a bye week, just like USC. Two weeks, two ND extended pieces.

Next week: I'm not sure where they'll be going. The ABC night game is Nebraska-USC. But there's also LSU-Auburn, Florida-Tennessee, Michigan-Notre Dame, Miami-Louisville, Oklahoma-Oregon. If I were producing, I'd send them to Auburn or Knoxville, but CBS is covering those games. Michigan-ND is huge, but it's on NBC. A tough choice for Gameday.

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